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like I've been trying so damn hard to function like a Human Being who Goes Outside and Spends Time With People despite being in a nightmare of surgical limbo but I'm at the end of my rope, forcing myself to act Healthy is taking more energy than I can sustain. I've only gotten this far by pointedly not looking directly at the problem and running on autopilot.
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I've lost count of how many times I've broken down crying over this.
This surgery was supposed to be a good thing.