Lonely feelings
I don't know
Food do your thing faster

I've got that "limbs are getting too heavy to type" depression and my loneliness hadn't gone away with taking care of the rest of this body's basic needs.

I feel pretty lost, admittedly. I graduated in May of 2016, and it took me over a year to get a job. Even at that, what I got was an internship. I get paid $10/hr, which is more than I've gotten at literally any job ever.

And it's still not.. exactly living money, you know?
I went to school so I could be a developer. Because I enjoy doing that more than other things, and I would get the money I need to to do the things I want to do.
But here I am doing... definitely not that because I Could Find It in this city that is red and so.. so... SO far from ideal to be trans and looking for work.
But I guess I should count myself lucky that I got this much.

I've never had a strong passion for any work. I've always felt guilty about that. IT or Development is stuff I'm relatively competent at, and I'm good at writing and stuff but...
I don't... have strong feelings for a career beyond personal survival. Why would I.
If there is anything I have come to realize of my life up until now, I'm not -from- here. I'm not as invested in here as others. I don't know what that motivation is like

So I keep trying, mostly because moving to Seattle is a huge motivator in itself. I'm staying so far away from most folks and things here.
The folks that used to be physical with me regularly aren't anymore. I spend most of the time physically starved for contact, not to even get into sexual things.
Folks don't talk to me seriously anymore. A while back I wondered if they thought I was crazy and that's largely unresolved. I don't know what they think.