ugh

this place is so welcoming and friendly but i sabotaged my ability to be real on @chr@cybre.space by getting too large of a following

so instead i'm going to ramble here on my furry alt

i...should not have started a mastodon instance. i was 100% committed before cybre.space and now i'm way overextended

and now i'm fixating on what i can only conceive to be a defect where i impulsively jump onto any project that seems interesting without giving a thought to my existing commitments

this happens to me on a somewhat regular basis. mastodon is just the latest, and somewhat more intense, iteration

i know how to look at the positive aspects of it and i know why i'm feeling depressed about it (i haven't been getting enough sleep) but despite my best efforts i can't quite catch up to everything and feelings demand to be expressed, so here we are

i thought mastodon was going to be great because i could abandon the carefully curated persona i developed on birdsite, but then i got 800 followers

doesn't matter how welcoming this place is, my brain flips out at that number and doesn't let me post anything remotely vulnerable or risky