Trans Meds, Suicide Mention (+)
Okay so now that I'm a week in and no longer feeling physically terrible... Two things I have noticed about HRT:
1 - I am still angry but instead of overwhelming incoherent rage I've been able to sharpen it to a fine point and have been smiling while telling people to go to hell.
2 - The part of me that's basically just a slice of oblivion is inaccessible. Like, I try to reach for it but it's not there. I am not capable of wanting to kill myself.
Trans Meds, Suicide Mention (+)
I don't know what the fuck is happening to my brain and I'm not really even sure that it's anything gender/dysphoria/euphoria related? I still hate my body, but I don't dwell on it. Like, I can't dwell on it.
It just reals like... I'm in the right mindset for things.
Trans Meds, Suicide Mention (+)
@somekindofcrow My experience has been that this part pretty much goes away when I have enough estrogen in me. If I forget to eat and take my pills then it comes back pretty quickly, especially in the middle of winter. (Vitamin D helps too, NOBODY in Seattle has enough of the stuff without supplements, and my Southern-raised body needs a LOT of it.)
Trans Meds, Suicide Mention (+)
@anthracite That in some sense is terrifying because it'd good but I can't stay in the closet if I keep this going and I should be screaming but I'm not because that part has been replaced with a calm okay now what do I do thing instead.
Trans Meds, Suicide Mention (+)
I mean I know it's still there, and it'll very definitely come back at some point? But right now I just can't seem to access it. Like, a pile of shit happened this week. It normally drives me into massive depression and I reach for the comfort of inevitable death. But right now I try to do that and nothing happens.
Instead I scheme and plot and plan.