bad, mental -
mental illness is knowing something in your life is wrong but not being sure which of a dozen things it is or how to fix it. do you take "responsibility" for your "failings" and try to push through it? do you try to change the circumstances of your life to make yourself more comfortable? what if that's impossible? what if that's not even the cause of it? and you waste so much energy and lifespan just trying to exist correctly because there is little margin for existing incorrectly
bad, mental -
i dont know if my pills are working. i dont know if the solution is more pills or different pills, or no pills, or therapy or a lifestyle change or a diet thing, or if it's just my garbage workplace causing it, in which case i'm fucked because i can't find a different job. so i just shotgun everything i have the energy and agency for, in the hopes that something will eventually enable me to get out of bed before 3pm. it's a waste of my life
bad, mental -
see this is what i mean. im not just wasting energy trying to exist right, im wasting energy trying to *be mentally ill right*, what the fuck
bad, mental -
we're so preoccupied with efficiency, and being mentally ill is so inefficient unless you're allowed to exist on your own terms, which is an arrangement so few of us get to have
i dont know if there's a way to fix this.
bad, mental -
decisions carry psychic weight. normal people can just choose to get out of bed anyway when they're feeling sad. but i have mental noodle arms, so in bed i stay, for much longer than i should
bad, mental -
inspirational: local kasran gets up at 2:56pm, which is technically before 3pm. mental health win
bad, mental - / this might not help (but it might)
bad, mental -
@typhlosion you are Not just being dramatic and it's perfectly okay to not be able to take it
(and we're in that 'worrying about being homeless' bracket right now so)
bad, mental -
@typhlosion FWIW, I feel like you are saying precisely what many of us are feeling at the moment. It's miserable and it sucks, and to blame any single person for that, let alone oneself, well . . . it'd be laughable if it weren't so tragic.
bad, mental -
@typhlosion *offers late-waking sympathy*
bad, mental -
i should probably be thankful i even have a high paying job in the first place. i dunno. i still feel miserable but at least im not worrying about going homeless i guess. so maybe that means my problems aren't as bad as they feel and i'm just being dramatic. i do have a lot of privileges, after all.