re: MH, Christmas, PTSD (+/-)
I can relate. Holidays are merciful for me, at least, and I realize how lucky I was comparatively to have the family I did--though there were downsides--but I had later experiences in life with others that leave me feeling defensive and paranoid about everything I'm doing, often to the point of being ridiculously secretive about innocuous things because I'm afraid of the potential reaction. I'm always sensitive to others' stress as well, and I assume I'm the cause or at least contributing.
Take some quiet time if you can, hm?