this, combined with the social exclusion that the preparations towards said experience have inadvertently emphasized, is, how shall i say? making me funging want to die already
hello nonverbal episode following a failed attempt at doing the thing. this feels ridiculous. i can type but i can't make eye contact and i can't speak; and like ; wtf.
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re: -
clarification: attempt was not suicide but rather being at a place where i was supposed to do a thing that's good for me
and then it triggered the heck out of every aspect of my funged up mind