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intercepted on 24th-century metaTinder 

"SEEKING INTERPLANETARY FRENEMY FOR COLD WAR AND POSSIBLY MORE?

Us: fit, disease-free genetically uplifted feline race, 250 cm at shoulder

You: morally degenerate progenitor race with small crunchy skulls, huge reserves of seafood, slow runner, non-brachiating capitalists and authoritarians preferred

Turn-Ons: fish, loud noises, stompy boots, plasma rifles, huge cardboard forts, sushi, red plastic uniforms, anarchomonarchism, fish, catnip, dance music, mass invasions

Turn-Offs: extinction, ecological mismanagement, normative monotheism, cages, Rene Descartes, uppity wildlife documentarists, spray bottles

NO MOONCATS, SPACE COYOTES, OR CEPHALOPODS PLEASE"

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