dark thoughts, hypothetical violence, spleen venting
The probabilty increases day by day that, if during the course of my life I ever find myself bereft of both Peggy and my parents, I go out by committing a gruesome act of vengeance against a politician or executive.
Maybe I'll get lucky and something else will come along, worth loving so much that it's actually still worth living. Maybe someone wil actually rescue me. But there are better ways to go, and increasing reason to believe... this is basically it.
I don't think I can really imagine a next phase of my life. What the fuck am I gonna do, feed pigeons? Fan the pitiful embers of postfurry as a 78-year-old, in a world I'm SURE I'll have aged out of any meaningful cultural role in?
The only pity is that (to name but one example) Ted Cruz will probably die of old age, long before my schedule is clear enough to kill him myself.
dark thoughts, hypothetical violence, spleen venting
@zebratron2084 yeah. I’ve been having a lot of No Future feels lately.
re: dark thoughts, hypothetical violence, spleen venting
@Leucrotta Oh, I definitely think there's gonna be A Future in general. I just don't think I have any shot of ever being truly loved or accepted again, after Seattle fell apart and nobody but Peg has the faintest interest in me in general, relationship or otherwise. *inappropriately cheerful shrug*
Maybe that's the depression talking. Or maybe it's the fact that so many people I genuinely, deeply loved from out there make zero effort to ever contact me. C'est la mort.
re: dark thoughts, hypothetical violence, spleen venting
@zebratron2084 @Leucrotta
These seem like very Therapy kinds of thoughts. I was kinda in that same space about a year ago.
I hope you feel better soon ^.^