Was going to CW it here, but turned out way too long. Have a link to a write-up on my phone hunt if you're interested! https://zetasyanthis.dreamwidth.org/29759.html
@kelseyhusky Oh, that's not what I meant. I was trying to figure out how to transfer music from Linux, and that seems to be what everyone points to.
@zetasyanthis as a life long Apple user, I can 100% confirm that an Apple music subscription is not required to have an iPhone. You don't strictly speaking even need to have an AppleID.