Wanted to share something I posted live on twitter earlier today.
These posts came directly as a result of the news that Chester Bennington (lead singer for Linkin Park) had committed suicide, something I sobbed into my lunch about for almost an hour.
https://mobile.nytimes.com/2017/07/20/arts/music/chester-bennington-linkin-park-dead.html
I wouldn't *be* *here* if it weren't for him and the rest or Linkin Park.
Their music kept me alive, knowing that somewhere, someone else knew and understood what I was going through...
I can't even tell you what that means to a kid who's so scared she'd kill herself to escape.
I did not even *have* the words to describe what was happening to me back then, but they helped me find them.
They're why I got help, why I finally stopped working in defense, why I can even begin to cope with how broken I am inside. And this fucking hurts. >.<
Numb is the story of my relationship with my parents...
Hands Held High was the hurt I felt (and still feel) when something I built was made into a weapon.
Castle of Glass helped me understand myself, @SilverAutomatic, and so many others.
Faint is the voice of a small child, *my voice*, ignored when I needed help and understanding the most. And it's why I'm fighting now.
It's the voice of all LGBT folks, really, and everyone else who folks just chose not to see.
My December... I feel that pain every single day. It's been a long time since I've listened to it, but I had a lot of Decembers too. :(
And last but not least... Somewhere I Belong. I'm still looking, but I hope that I will eventually find a home, somewhere I can feel safe. >.<
I kid you not, in my therapy session last week they came up, and I was talking about how much to heal and how much to balance suffering so I could write as he did so I could speak for the broken too. I knew the path was dangerous, but this... >.<
Chester, I am going to miss the shit out of you. >.< I hope you find the peace you were so desperate for. >.<
What I've Done is my pledge to never hurt myself as badly as I did before, when I hated and feared myself above all else.
It is also my pledge to do better in future, and to never harm when I can help.