Krissy @BigFatFae@awoo.space

So... Ultimately what it all comes down to is that I want someone to tell me that they want that thing that I want so bad that they won't wait for me to say yes. That they'll push past what little resistance I offer. I'm a desired object to be used as they please (the fact that how they please matches my OOC fantasies is ignored). The stronger their interest in what they're doing, the more powerful the squirms induced in me.

My denials are tepid, my resistance token. I not only give in, I grant further ideas and guidance on how further to lock in to the ideas that are making me squirm.

The entire process is an act of mental suspension of disbelief, hanging over emotional pitfalls with trust being the safety net. It allows me to explore deeper elements of my psyche, and in the moment of climax, briefly escape my ego so that I can heal some of the damage that's accrued.

I've spent a lot of time going over what makes my kinks tick, why I like the things I do. I think it's a useful thing! Finding the words to describe your feelings gives them weight and purpose. For me... Noncon play is a form of seeking validation. I am looking for someone who enjoys doing something to me that I already like. I struggle a lot with feeling valid (see other posts today) and my way around this? Have somebody else do it to me because THEY want it.

Everyone who participates in noncon play does so for very different reasons. So generalizations beyond this definition are very difficult. So from this point on, know that I'm talking about myself, specifically. Other people may share my thoughts as well, but that isn't something you can take for granted.

Noncon: Abbreviated form of Non-consentual, generally used to refer to fully consentual play that pretends to lack consent. The primary mechanism of this is creating a 'hard' no that replaces the usual words used to request that things 'stop', such as a safe word, or the parentheses in text roleplaying signifying out-of-character.

Like... All of these things lead me into darker places. Lead me into places that I know a lot of people can't follow. It leaves me feeling alienated, like I don't belong anywhere. I am thankful that I've found people willing to help me. Because it's incredibly difficult to do it on my own...

To remember that I'm not bad. Even if I'm not for everyone, I'm good for some people.

I'm fat. 400 pounds. A lot of internalizing good thoughts about this is my kink exploring the extremes of being fat. Ageplay is another thing on this list. I like being a little girl. But I struggle with feeling like I'm bad for this. I further deal with this by fetishizing validation via having my interests projected onto a dom-figure, removing agency and therefore possibility of greed, which pushes me into non-con RP fantasies.

Speaking of real talk: I get very very self conscious about the things I'm into basically constantly. While I primarily mean kink stuff, it's actually everything. I live in a near constant state of worrying the things I'm into are actually just bad, that I'm just bad.

Ah yes, lets sandwich REALTALK between minor kink RP. YAH. Care warnings are useful. ^^;

I likes to talk about: Social justice and accessibility, fantasies of vulnerability, tarot/fae stuff, and sometimes other things! I am welcome to anyone wanting to follow me who isn't made uncomfortable by the fact that I'll sometimes post dark kink stuff (behind CW!)

Hi, my name is Krissy, and I'm a fat, gay dragon-bunny (drabunny)

This kinda got away from me, and I'm not sure I have a point so much as that I want to just put my feelings and thoughts to words. I'm just one weird person in this world, but I've found other weird people that make this life worth something to me. Make me feel not alone. And I want everyone to have that, I want us all to find that community we belong in.

It reminds me how much I would appreciate a 'public on this instance' privacy type for posts. But that's a bit of a tangent. Point is, I am happy with the directions we're moving, towards both ease of accessibility AND smaller scale moderation mingling with larger scale projects. I want to see places like this thrive, and see the communities that spawn bevcause of it. We all have different needs, I hope that we can all meet them.

We have this unique ability to create powerful, interesting, open spaces that are moderated the way we choose. We can make the communities we always wanted, and create our own rules. This isn't the first time it's happened ever, but on the scale we're now seeing it, with the power and ease of use of the tools we have available, it's amazing.

When you enter another community, you respect their rules. You live by their rules. And if you need a community that is more fitting to your needs, you either find those who's rules fit your needs, or you make your own. And that brings me to Discord and Mastadon. Both of them are based around the idea of making your own spaces. Perhaps their initial intention was simply decentralization to avoid corporations, but they can be more.

How does someone affection starved thrive in that environment? The short answer is that they don't. If you are a person who is in need of reaffirmation and care and affection surrounded by hurt people who need space away from the more overt examples of such, your needs and their needs clash. Does that mean one group is being unreasonable? I don't believe so in the least. Both of you are in need of something. This is the value of different communities.

So... Safe spaces. This sort of thing has been on my mind for a long time. I remember an experience I had around a year ago with a chat server that ended up being a very bad fit for me. This server was protecting extremely vulnerable, harmed people. There were triggers relating to affection and love that needed to be carefully handled.

I have two more queued up, and one more request without a specific story. But after lunch!

Phew. That was a strong read. Okay! I've decided that Ultimate cards are my second most difficult reads. Treasure is definitely the hardest still.

"The friend(s)" = Friend shaped = A person or creature who seems like they would be nice to have as a friend!
"A friend" = Consentual friend = A person or creature who has agreed with you upon friendship, and whatever that entails for both of you!