Mental Health Stuff (---)
(1/2)
So a lot of things happened over the last few months. So let's get the negatives out of the way.
First off, we made a big mistake. We let someone toxic into our lives when he came to our daughter seeking forgiveness. I grew attached to him, but over time he started to spread copaganda, and it started to excalate until he was delving into genocide denial. At that point we've basically ejected him from our lives, and he from ours when he realized he couldn't gaslight us.
However, because of said attachment, I suffered a deep hurt that caused me to split into 3. (Arche/Aluxes, Eleara and Lucina) I really did care about him and hoped that he would get better, but he never did, the blue cult had too much of a grip on him.
The second traumatic event is Vedia returning to our lives, seemingly apologetic as to what had happened years ago. Considering that I had considered her to be my prodigal daughter, we decided to talk to her again. That was a huge mistake. She instantly went after my girlfriend, and tried (really badly) to convince us that she's toxic, and when it didn't work, she turned on us, and involved everyone she could in her whirlwind of abuse. I've avoided talking about her until now because I was hoping that she would eventually wake up and realize just how pointless and based on delusions of being persecuted her crusade was. it never happened.
The result of that was that a part of me (Lucina) had to take a break from life for a bit. That caused me to age-regress and my gender to shift towards the neutral column, so now my gender fluctuates between femme enby and bigender. My mental age is now 20. This is despite Lucina having returned and rejoining us.
re: Mental Health Stuff (+++)
(2/2)
It's not all bad though. Because of the split, the gender shift and my age regression, I had been able to explore myself more fully while in the headspace. This helped me come to terms with a lot more of my masculinity, where it came from, and how each of the members of the Elysion subsystem contribute to my being.
In brief, Arche/Aluxes is where most of my masc aspects comes from. Xe is bigenderfluid, fluctuating between demiboy and demigirl, but usually staying in the central bigender field. Xe is the guardian of the subsystem, validating trust between us and other people, and protecting the rest of the system from harm.
Eleara is the more creative core of the subsystem, and the host. Faer gender is most aligned to mine when I am in femme enby mode, fae is also genderfluid, but more femme-leaning and fluid to a lesser extent.
Lucina is the maternal core of the subsystem and shi is the most feminine. She has an aura of infinite and unconditional love around hir, and it often is how toxic people are able to bypass our defenses. We all want to bring out the best in people, and Lucina, most of all, puts hir all into making it happen.
Secondly, we've gotten involved in a gamejam where we ended up making a short and rough RPG Maker game in 22 days. It's very queer, and has a very strong anti-fascist and anti-religious messaging. The link is here if you're curious: https://freyamanibrandr.itch.io/sephira-tale-first-outing
We are going to be working more on this in the future.
Finally, we've gotten ourselves involved in the third Furry Music Anthology album project, where proceeds are going to be going to charity. The album is almost done and should be ready very soon. We'll keep you updated on this!
re: Mental Health Stuff (+++)
(Addendum)
Overall, it's been a rollercoaster ride in the past few months, and I am really proud of Julayla and the rest of us for getting through it all, and getting a lot of things accomplished.