existence vs capitalism
It's taken me the better part of a decade to realize how highly unusual, and toxic, it is for people to be treated as transactional objects. Doing so leads to a sense of nihilism that completely annihilates any sense of self, of the exact form many fled birdsite for to be here.
It's taken longer for me to realize people who were transactional with me weren't really friends, and that I'd much rather be a person than be someone that facilitates those kinds of relationships.