Here's one for you. I'm really starting to feel the effects of having gone six weeks without a TMS session. The effects of anxiety are creeping back in during the day... and then wrecking shop in the evening.

Part of me is ready to give up, just as my "health insurance" company is trying to force me to, and go back on the pharmaceuticals that "work" for a couple weeks and then slide me back into the emotional equivalent of staring at the wall and drooling on myself.

(cont.)

But another part is observing that despite the difficulties of the last few days in particular – possibly even because of them – my wife and I have managed to make a lot of headway in talking about and healing from a huge knot of nasty emotional baggage that we've each been carrying for a long time.

That part is tempted to hold off a little longer and see if I really do have the tools now to survive without SNRIs, SSNRIs, SNESRIs, or whatever comes next.

(cont.)

Of course, the ideal answer would be to get the TMS going again, but Anthem Blue Cross/Blue Shield is effectively obstructing that, and it's not financially feasible for us to foot the bill ourselves.

Thus, the choice is between two patterns: depersonalising medication that will lose effectiveness after a few weeks anyway, or the more emotionally difficult but open route and try to mitigate the worst of it with cannabis and mindfulness?