CW: Mental health, physical health, dental woes, rant, self pity, venting, feel free to ignore. (~,-,-)
Something's wrong in here. Been feeling disconnected and de-corporeal for days. I'm looking through these eyes and hearing through these ears, but I don't know why. I feel like I'm going through motions with no motivation or reason, helplessly and desperately broadcasting to a universe that wouldn't even notice if I stopped and would be glad of the decrease in volume if it ever did.
Is this disassociation? It feels like a physical hardware problem like there's an energy field suppressing me.
Which is so messed up, cause objectively speaking I've got very little to complain about, and what I CAN complain about feels like I have no right to complain:
*My body is 35 T-years old and is starting to break down, or at least not perform as well as it did 10 years ago. this happens to everyone, and I know people who have to fucking exist in pain with only brief respite, so shut the fuck up.
*My mouth is falling apart. I neglected taking care of my teeth for almost 10 years. Mouth doctors can't do anything except pull teeth. But it was my own damn fault, so shut the fuck up.
*I'm diabetic. This was pretty much inevitable given my family's medical history. But I had complete knowledge of that, and knowledge of how to eat right and healthy, and exercise and be active, and just didn't do it. Own Damn Fault. Shut the fuck up.
Everything wrong is shit you did to yourself. Stop whining. Shut the fuck up and leave the universe alone.
CW: Mental health, physical health, dental woes, rant, self pity, venting, feel free to ignore. (~,-,-)
@kelseyhusky wow, yeah, that’s depression, anhedonia. Dissociation is a lot more like you’re suddenly there and time and experiences are just missing. Not sure what would be a good next step though.
