Listen, I'm just sayin'. But anybody who willingly goes to a NINE-DAY FEAST in SCANDINAVIA is either too naive to last long in this world anyhow, or has such an unnaturally bland palate that death is something they'd probably fail to notice—even enjoy. Once you've eaten nothing but turfisk, blodpalt, and smörgåstårta for a week and a half, euthanasia is probably gonna sound like a pretty sensible path.

I mean, I'm Italian. I used to spend a lot of time in the North End of Boston during festival season. We got all kinds feast days. Practically every day of the week. And I never once saw a pig trotter or a piece of fair food that was >50% mayonnaise. They had better options if they wanted a nine-day feast, is all I'm trying to get across here.