But all kidding aside, given how much of a worrywart i am, there's something godawful and raw about having another vulnerable living being to care about.

It was a fucking nightmare-blessing, for instance, when my aunt and stepsister had their kids. MONTHS of sitting up fretting over babies I hardly ever even saw in person.

And now I have this stupid lovable cat. And her two stupid lovable kids. And an overwhelming awareness of how little I know about how to take care of them, and how limited our resources could get.

And the idea that we could fuck something up and let them get hurt or worse is gnawing on me constantly. Just a little gnaw in the background, often overshadowed by the joy of having the little purrballs around.

But I didn't ask for this, and I tell Shadow almost every day: you chose US. We're gonna do the best we can for you. But you're gonna break our hearts someday, aren't ya, little charmer.