Realizing my mental state is starting to resemble how it was early last year.

A constant state of dread and a perpetual fight mentally about it, the concern that my partner isn't being up front even though I know they are. The worry that I'm somehow hurting others even though I find no evidence of it.

My mental state is just not good, and I attribute it to mostly the stress going on.

The politics, the virus, the chaos at work due to it, the stressors of having to help a friend after a house fire... It's all just building on me and wearing me out. The Zoloft I'm on is helping take the edge off, but all the stress is nearly overpowering it and has sent me into a meltdown or two privately over the last week.

I just... need time and reassurance everything is okay, I need to be held and told that, and to be ensured that what I'm being told is true.

I don't know how to accomplish that, and it wasn't an issue for more than a year but the last week has made it so damn hard... *Sighs.*

At least I'm keeping everything /mostly/ together at any rate.

It makes me tempted to get back to nightly use of weed or smoking a cigarette to help relieve some stress.