Mh thought
Okay so small child meltdowns while annoying are sympathetic, a child doesn’t conceptualize a longer term; for all they know this is the last cake pop ever, the only time they may ever get to see Grandpa, they’ll be overheated forever etc. If you have PTSD maybe why your upset can be childlike is that you like a literal child have no long term concept.
Mh thought
@Leucrotta It's embarrassing and I feel that meta frustration most of the times I flash back these days.
This is the part of childhood PTSD that I wish more people understood though.
that, like, if that kid then goes literal decades with an abusive, flawed concept in their head, it takes ~that~ much more convincing that that ISN'T how things are supposed to be
Mh thought, fawn tangent
@Leucrotta I think about this a lot when I hear people talk about 'conflict avoidance' devoid of it's fawn-response context.
Like, if you learn within the box of your upbringing that dissent has a heavy price, that early stretch of early adulthood where we, particularly as queer people, have to navigate social support networks and end up dropping each other WITHOUT a nuanced sense of support... doesn't really help one get out of those patterns
Mh thought
@Leucrotta I'm getting off topic though
Point Being, the more "Dense" that period of time is and the more it "permeates", in a sense, the more experience and time one needs with the world NOT reflecting one's traumas
Mh thought
@Oneironott that makes sense and I was going there, so now I’m a lot more certain of it; if every time I’m pissed off/caught up in rejection etc is lower intensity higher frequency, it’ll retraumatize me more effectively than less-likely big stuff, and that retraumatization will make it a LOT harder for me to more effectively resolve the old issues and coping mechanisms.
re: Mh thought
@Leucrotta That long term thought issue is a real part of PTSD. (My ex was a combat vet and I went through material, therapy, and stuff with him). Your brain literally sacrifices the ability to plan for the future in order to take action in the present.
This can present itself in things like not being able to save money or not remembering to take the trash out or not see yourself in a future situation.
It might be the last cake pop ever, not because you don't know that the store will continue to make cake pops, but because tomorrow doesn't reliably exist.
Mh thought
@Leucrotta yeah, it's something I've mentioned to my friends when talking about my niblings: "no really, this is probably literally one of the worst days of their life"
it seems so minor to us because by our points we've probably had more bad days in our lives than they have had _days_
re: Mh thought
@chimerror A while back I did math on how much 30 minutes of terrible experience is for an 8 and a 10 year old respectively. 30 minutes of real shit is about .7% of an 8 year old's life, about .5% of a 10 year old's life, about .2% of a 30 year old's life. That's *not* insignificant for an 8-10 year old just on sheer time, without counting intensity or anything else. 1.4% of my ENTIRE LIFE was the accident when it happened, and that was only the start of my troubles.
Mh thought
Now what if your PTSD comes from childhood? What if every time you’re upset even subtly makes you feel you’re back there, and it stacks with lack of control that might make anger flare up in even a “normal” adult?