Mh thought
Okay so small child meltdowns while annoying are sympathetic, a child doesn’t conceptualize a longer term; for all they know this is the last cake pop ever, the only time they may ever get to see Grandpa, they’ll be overheated forever etc. If you have PTSD maybe why your upset can be childlike is that you like a literal child have no long term concept.
Mh thought
Now what if your PTSD comes from childhood? What if every time you’re upset even subtly makes you feel you’re back there, and it stacks with lack of control that might make anger flare up in even a “normal” adult?
Mh thought, fawn tangent
@Leucrotta I think about this a lot when I hear people talk about 'conflict avoidance' devoid of it's fawn-response context.
Like, if you learn within the box of your upbringing that dissent has a heavy price, that early stretch of early adulthood where we, particularly as queer people, have to navigate social support networks and end up dropping each other WITHOUT a nuanced sense of support... doesn't really help one get out of those patterns
Mh thought
@Leucrotta I'm getting off topic though
Point Being, the more "Dense" that period of time is and the more it "permeates", in a sense, the more experience and time one needs with the world NOT reflecting one's traumas
Mh thought
@Oneironott that makes sense and I was going there, so now I’m a lot more certain of it; if every time I’m pissed off/caught up in rejection etc is lower intensity higher frequency, it’ll retraumatize me more effectively than less-likely big stuff, and that retraumatization will make it a LOT harder for me to more effectively resolve the old issues and coping mechanisms.
Mh thought
@Leucrotta It's embarrassing and I feel that meta frustration most of the times I flash back these days.
This is the part of childhood PTSD that I wish more people understood though.
that, like, if that kid then goes literal decades with an abusive, flawed concept in their head, it takes ~that~ much more convincing that that ISN'T how things are supposed to be