Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Getting gailan, pea shoots, okra and stuff from Asian Family Market. It’s a madhouse, but not really more so than any other Sunday. I’m out of it enough I didn’t check when there were lion dancers in the Int’l District?

Saw some pretty trees, went to a used bookstore and didn’t go nuts with the used Dungeon magazines, am getting Wienerschnitzel for the first time since I left NorCal.

This morning I feel caught between a childhood that really wasn’t, and old age. “I will never be young when I’m mostly free from that bullshit” is a hard pill to swallow, but I also feel kinda lost.

@Kusimanse right and… this stuff *started* in the hands of people with pretty selfish intentions.

@owashii@plush.city thanks! I mean by definition every artist’s stuff looks better from the outside than from the artist’s POV, at least as far as I understand; but now I know how and when I was told I was no good/that others were better at it, built right off a batch of bad childhood experiences and sits squarely in my RSD.

So getting past that is more involved than just “I draw okay, and that does count.” Or at least it feels more involved?

Just... rethinking art as a place where I'm not good enough/will always be judged not good enough. So much of that is just incidental, triggery stuff left behind from childhood.

current mood; declaring BATMAN! during the choral parts of the MiB soundtrack

I really, really could use to get back into talk therapy, sometime when there's more time and money and I can afford a day or two of emotional collapse if I hit something big in therapy.

current mood; enthusiastically declaring CHRISTMASTIME! during the "Darkman" soundtrack

@GraySpots for whatever reasons, there's a Half Price warehouse but no storefronts in Seattle proper. The nearby ones really *really* vary - like the best ones for TTRPGs are in Redmond and in Crossroads Mall in Bellevue, but for whatever reason the Crossroads Mall one is almost always disappointing military history wise, though they have a great art section; that sort of thing.

Goldfinger Dawn Raid on Fort Knox https://youtu.be/nnW-8YpQpgQ via @YouTube

oh YEAH it's the scene where he plays baccarat with the shark, right after the scene where he skis through the waterways of Bangkok pursued by guys in hard hats!

OWoD games;
Vampire; there's a world of potentially interesting stuff out there but mostly you'll be interacting with other licks
Werewolf; Garou are fascinating, but mostly you'll be interacting with the rest of the world
Mage; there's a lot of fiddly interesting bits to being a mage, let's actively ignore that and focus on the rest of the world
Changeling; the rest of the world is literally soul-killing, I wanna do fey stuff in fey lands

also today, I compared Vampire the Masquerade to roleplaying what the Republican party *used* to be; the Sabbat who revel in being monsters who do terrible things to weaker mortals, and the Camarilla where you can have an entire basement full of corpses hung upside-down to drain blood for you to drink, but for goodness' sake you don't SAY so openly, that's gauche.

You notice I say "used to be."

I return with TREASURE from the EAST.

Alas Shawarmaniac no longer has dolmades. Neither does the Middle Eastern grocery by me. Neither did Trader Joe’s last time I checked. Am I truly fated to no grape leaves?

Related to about nothing, I haven’t read tarot cards in ages and frankly miss it.

Okay I feel sober now thanks to the healing power of the 1e Pathfinder NPC Codex. Gigantic shawarma with fries and lots of toum, here I come!

Being buzzed was a lot more fun before I wanted to get on the road towards the bookstore and the GOOD shawarma place.

Also, “Starbucks closes at 1830 on Saturday” is actually not what I was looking forward to when I moved up here.

Then I thought; what upsets me isn’t so much my life doesn’t have x, y and z. What upsets me is that not having them leads to feeling that I will never have x, y and z, and because I don’t have these things, I can’t distract myself from the lack of hope.

@tillianisafox it’s a BOTH. Lawful covers “I discipline myself” (monks), “I believe legal procedure is the best way to peacefully swap out laws” (paladins), and “the law is inviolable and ensures best result” (paladin, but dogmatic about it).