Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Know what I hate about job hunting? It’s that if successful there’s no feeling of accomplishment. I haven’t gotten anything good, I’ve just staved off dying under a freeway on-ramp a little longer, it’s just a different group of people who’ll hurt me, a different someone else’s dream I get to grow. It’s like how every election feels futile, like it’s Dunkirk not VE Day.

The 13th Warrior Rejected Score - The Council https://youtu.be/uZHLoIGXzXc via @YouTube

oh wow, check this out, it sounds *very* Dead Can Dance!

@SnapHappyFox That's another thing. There are lots of things which could be automated that would help artists - but no artist has been sold AI to replace the marketing and administration they don't enjoy, rather than the artmaking process which is so vital. *None* of this has been sold to artists. It's been entirely sold as a "this is BETTER than you, this will and should REPLACE you, and YOU are the problem for holding back PROGRESS."

Suddenly I realized why the AI stuff pissed me off so hardcore.

Pro AI arguments basically add up to "YOU PEOPLE are all rich powerful elitists, fuck your creators' rights, fuck your survival, you need to be brought down by something which happens to make me look awesome/save me money."

What marginalized group does that version of artists sound like to you?

psyching myself up for interview with "The Beserker at Stamford Bridge," "The Fire Dragon" from The Thirteenth Warrior, and of course, "Immigrant Song."

and a Hormel Deviled Ham Spread sandwich.

Singing "skrreeeeee!" along with the speaker feedback on the "Hormoaning" EP, which frankly I like more than Nevermind.

@frostwolf The scheduling part *is* a difficult thing to get used to, but it's one of many, but I figure it's still less harsh than going from nothing to full 8 hour days or more 5 days a week.

The EBT thing though is a *lot* more potentially damaging, and I'm not quite sure how you'd check on it.

@frostwolf I was thinking about this recently, and I wanted to encourage you to start looking for jobs - initially not so much to *get* a job but to get used to how that feels, and really importantly, how to emotionally recover afterwards.

Similar to how I wanted to encourage you to try to get something part-time, if that won't screw your EBT payments, as a gentler way to start working with and around a job than the full 40 hours plus commute thing.

Imho day jobs aren't fun, and looking for work is actively *unfun*, but I feel like it'd be good to pick up dealing with it as a sort of unpleasant but necessary skill - kinda like learning to clean a bathroom or snake a sink. It sucks, but it's a useful skill to tuck in your head for when you need it, if that makes sense.

@Kusimanse I know I've said this before but my folks are a lot of what's likable about me, only you make it COMPLETELY FUCKING SELF ABSORBED. That's part of what I hate about dealing with them now, everything's pretty much their deal for 3-10 hours. Music's just another part of the completely self absorbed.

But you wanna know the REALLY wild music thing? My Dad's taste in jazz is all earlier stuff, Duke Ellington and Count Basie are pushing it. Dude doesn't listen to Miles Davis which is a little like saying "aha, really into classical but he just will NOT listen to Mozart ever." You'd think "talented pianist, he's gotta be into Thelonious Monk" right? Nope.

#drawings from months back inked today as practice. Larry Elmore inspired fighter vs armored ogre; dwarf musketeer vs vampire; a vampire and her dire wolves; dwarf wizard vs goblin wizard in walking throne with an imp familiar!

Learned hopelessness analogy;

Suppose moving forward in life is a bridge. Maybe it's a suspension bridge high over nothing, or it's a floating bridge bobbing up and down on a lake. That's a little intimidating, and then add in - the bridge narrows, there's wind or water moving it, and sometimes other people will barrel right by and make it sway scarily with their actions.

The worst, of course, is if someone intentionally tries to scare you by jumping up and down, such that afterwards eveyone who shakes the bridge parses as doing it intentionally.

Isn't hunkering down in place and not moving forward - or crawling forward as slowly and carefully as possible - a pretty reasonable response to stuff this scary? Which of course doesn't really help in the long run (you want to get off the bridge).

Let's say you can get to two grocery stores, and one has better products, and a better diversity, for cheaper - but it's further away. Once you have a bike, car or even sturdier bags to carry on the bus, you can save money and feel far healthier.

Maybe eating better helps you bike further, maybe saving money helps you get a car so getting there's no problem -- but if you don't get a bike, car, or sturdy bags through sheer luck you're stuck with the nearer store, which means you can't actually get those things. the crappy option *keeps* you locked into the crappier option for years.

@Oneironott glad. 😄

okay, finished job hunting for another day, somehow.

Did some drawing first, and feel like I figured out a little more stuff. But Zeppelin's "That's the Way" is making me feel weepy, so I probably should close the laptop, get something more to eat, etc.

@Sardonicus whoa. There's literally *nothing* that would distinguish this from a photo from 1900, 1920, etc.

brief note of explanation; my Dad basically controlled music growing up (ie, he likes the good stuff, and we have an LP/CD player, why would I want to listen to anything else?). Consequently I grew up listening only to stuff he liked, or top 40s I happened to hear.

My Dad's taste in music is *only* classical (his parents stopped him from going to Juliard, etc), some folk rock, some jazz. So real limited, and I've been trying to explore music ever since I got out of there. But getting out of my comfort zone was real slow at first. I actually can credit my interest in visual art for finding some music I like; I wouldn't have known about Tom Waits without "Hellboy," I wouldn't have gotten interested in Tori without Tony Diterlizzi talking about her, I discovered Jethro Tull thanks to Iain McCaig obviously.

Other stuff has just been random luck. F'rex you'd expect that I'd fall in love with Oingo Boingo instantly (true), but because I'm not from SoCal or particularly Goth, I only found out about them thanks to my (NorCal) ex. I found Tinariwen thanks to YouTube recommendations. Etc.

We now return you to your typical range o' posts.

listenin' to Tori's "Little Earthquakes" album because someone reminded me it existed, and occasionally I need to indulge the part of my identity which is Jon the Somewhat Weepy Childhood Abuse Survivor.

There was a chunk of my life when my listening was almost completely RAtM, Tori Amos, NIN, and... uh... actually Rob Zombie and Tom Waits, too. I was kinda fucked up, y'think?

You know what I could go for?

Getting on the road and driving. Maybe a friend's with me, I'd like that a lot. Head south, maybe south and west and spend the night at a hotel or motel. Even though it's not a familiar room, it's clean and feels safe. Maybe there's a diner or something like that, after all the kinda junky food eaten while driving. Even though it's an adventure there's plenty of warmth, plenty of sunlight and food and soft bedding.