Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Man, my ex sure managed to hammer home my worst assumptions about my place in the universe. Unintentionally, without us needing to hate each other, and while I was too stressed to notice that was happening or do anything about it.

I honestly think part of what's been hitting so hard emotionally lately is the oh hey you thought you were done with winter have some freezing temperatures and snow.

apparently in this mood right before bed, now...

Where is the horse and the rider?
Where is the horn that was blowing?
Where is the helm and the hauberk and the bright hair flowing?
They have passed like rain in the mountains,
Like wind in the meadow.
The days have gone down in the west
Behind the hills into shadow.

talisman,
I've been sleeping on the ground
far too long
under your stone
shed some light
move your magic
take some time
show me how,
talisman.

oh sunshine
your loving beauty passed me by
should I waste my time
in your valley, beneath your sky
Aaaaaaa!
Aaaaaaa!
Aaaaaaa, I am home!
you move your own mountain
the trees have grown, the trees have grown!
now it's over,
now it's over and I'm going home!

Lost as I may be
in the fog of my own noise and trivialities
Grand Holy Mother, grant me clarity;
I am standing on the edge of forever, forever.

Subtweet. Benefiting from "white privilege" isn't quite the same thing as racism, especially not if I'm only white when it's convenient for someone to assign me whiteness. Do you really think my ancestors wanted to leave the middle east? Do you really think they wanted to leave Spain? Do you honestly think they'd be here if Ukraine was a great place to be around 1900?

Cause while I may benefit from privilege, there are ACTUAL FUCKING RACISTS out there you could go after for being, you know, MORE RACIST than just sittin' around being pale. I've been trying to do my bit; what are YOU doing other than throwing blame?

Go pull your fucking liberal guilt on some other kike, you fucking piece of shit.

seriously, all the anger is seeping out, and this might be a good night to have half an edible and listen to Kyuss and Zeppelin

meat eating orchids forgive no-one just yet
cut myself on angel hair and baby's breath
broken hymen of your highness I'm turned black
throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back.
HEY
WAIT
I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT
forever in debt to your priceless advice
HEY
WAIT
I GOT A NEW COMPLAINT
forever in debt to your priceless advice
your advice
your advice
your advice
#instrumental

STANDING WITH THE FURY THAT THEY HAD IN '66
AND LIKE E DOUBLE I'M MAD, STILL KNEE-DEEP IN THE SYSTEM'S SHIT!
HOOVAH!
HE WAS A BODY REMOVAH!
I'LL GIVE YOU A DOSE BUT IT CAN NEVER COME CLOSE
TO THE RAGE BUILT UP INSIDE OF ME,
FIST IN THE AIR IN THE LAND OF HYPOCRISY!

STANDIN' IN LINE
BELIEVIN' THE LIES
Y'BOWIN' DOWN TO THE FLAG
Y'GOT A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD
A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!
A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!
A BULLET IN YOUR HEAD!
YOU GOT A BULLET IN Y'FUCKING HEAAAAAD!

@Kusimanse @artemis@vulpine.club It's about to go critical; the group I hike with has stuff March 4, I saw them this past weekend and the weekend before, and March 9 is my Mom's birthday so I'm required to show up one of those weekends. I'm already apparently upsetting her by not checking in as regularly as I could.

Ideally I'd like to commit to March 11 and just see that Saturday as a total emotional/physical write off, and not see them until them.

#drawings today- furry stuff and DnD? A jackal in latex, a tough hyena, a vulpine swashbuckler climbing into an enemy stronghold while under fire, and a naked censored wolf. And listening to Infected Mushroom.

@artemis@vulpine.club thanks!

@Ylfingr unfortunately, that would work only with someone who has relatively good boundaries.

@artemis@vulpine.club plan is now to say yes, I have plans, not volunteer them unless directly asked and, by offering a future point I will be over, attempt to compromise.

@porsupah i think I will go with I have plans unless really pushed to explain what those plans are (“chill out after working on my taxes” and “work on my hobby” are things an adult legitimately needs to do). I think if I set time to see them that might help.

Asking for advice;

How do I say no to seeing my parents (they want to meet up every weekend, and it’s terrible for my emotional health and my free time)?

Like if I say no to Saturday they’ll ask about Sunday. Trying to keep time down for each visit can help (my folks can and do keep me for 4-10 hours at a stretch), but I’m trying to figure out how to say “I don’t want to/don’t have resources to meet up this weekend” other than lying, having real stuff to do, or simply not answering the phone.

Today I’m angry in that “one hour of being stoned, thirty minutes of drawing, fifteen minutes playing capoeira or fencing, or five minutes with friends would completely flip my feelings about this shitty world” way.