@Momentrabbit I'm truly sorry.
Not really stoned thoughts since I’m sober rn but;
I don’t or don’t yet have mental vocabulary for “this is terrible right now, AND in six months it’ll be forgotten” or “I’m trapped here now and am likely to be stuck differently in a bit, AND more is going on than just being stuck and trapped” and in fact only huge energy intensive experiences broke me MOSTLY of being certain my “knowledge” was accurate.
Not really stoned thoughts since I’m sober rn but;
This inclusiveness (fortune and misfortune will occur no matter how I plan, no matter how tightly I define my world) fits into the tunnel vision, feeling stuck, catastrophizing.
Not really stoned thoughts since I’m sober rn but;
In this scheme ignorance isn’t just not knowing, but really trying to hold onto and solidify my current beliefs as accurate, which from racism to dinosaur feathers, they’re NOT.
Again these aren’t necessarily terrible, fatal, but somewhat futile and, because I DON’T actually know the future, neither what is desirable and going away nor what is deleterious and seems locked in forever are unchangeable.
Not really stoned thoughts since I’m sober rn but;
Buddhism describes the poisons as passion, aggression, and ignorance. I’m now thinking “poison” is intended as a slow process here; I probably won’t die instantly from passion but it can slowly, surely tilt my worldview. I also thought that passion and aggression are responses to what are inherently transitive parts of life; I’m trying to get and hold onto what I like, I’m trying to fight or avoid what I dislike.
two thumpers are planted. the worm may not rise for the first he will rise for the second. but remember when the worm approaches, you must remain utterly still and plant the hook firmly under a ring segment. the worm will turn away from the abrasive sand and it will take you with it to the top. do not get too close, as he approaches the sand will engulf you. wait till the head of the worm passes then go, quickly.
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