Show newer

Italian Wedding Soup! I am openin' this can as a favor for you, but there may come a time when I ask you to return this favor.

my favorite jidaigeki happens to be really "coyote"

and what's ironic is that once remade as a western, it *wasn't* as "coyote."

Oooh, I could work as a business administrator in Aberdeen. We ask that you please stand for Aberdeen's national anthem, but feeling incredibly depressed is optional.

Nirvana - Even In His Youth [Lyrics] youtu.be/nfLUD1twRZQ via @YouTube

not to be rude job recommendations, but between hairdresser and research scientist, I have a way better chance of doing research competently, and *neither* is stuff I'm exactly fit for at this point.

Happy Friday and welcome to Jon’s CPTSD Triggers, the show that exposes you to all sorts of fun shit and all you fucking CAN do is clench your teeth hard enough to get a headache and try to tell yourself this is a different fucking situation.

I am the Lorax! I speak for the trees!

Which are putting out pollen. It'll sure make you wheeze.

re: nut juice 

@wolfe and yet, you can't churn Not Milk and come out with This Can't Be Butter, afterwards. It's all very confusing.

re: more re gender 

@porsupah which is okay really, the list of shit I wish I'd figured out and done differently in my 20s already fills several sketchbook pages, what's one more thing?

mh -, fucking phone service, money 

So despite getting my 05/27 payment, T-Mobile didn't record me as having given them money and they cut my phone, IN THE MIDDLE OF A PHONE SCREEN. I immediately paid them AGAIN, then called back and completed my phone screen. I kinda wanted this job and this probably screwed me, I did not want to hemorrhage an additional [monthly charge], on top of this not being what I wanted to do with my morning; I am now fucking depressed, and I'm going to get some sort of pastry product before doing anything else. Fuck.

more re gender 

I now feel like the big trick with gender is that everyone gets told they have to pass, it's actually a lot less, and very few people do.

We have entire industries devoted to selling fragrances, vehicles, grills, guns, alcohol, hygiene products, shavers, etc so CIS people can "pass" enough. These things were not pitched for trans folks! If I'm not *too* unusual everyone out there worries if they're doing it right, including about gender.

Which suggests like everything else ("doing it right" is very much on my mind lately because I'm about to have a birthday and I am OLD, I'm at the point where I could easily fuck myself over but good about having done my entire life wrong), the way both cis and trans people approach gender is;

* they worry about fucking it up and being socially censured as a result
* they arrive at some quiet confidence that even though how they're doing it isn't necessarily the textbook example, it works for them; this is familiar to me from art
* they're just naturally egomaniacs, have sailed in on a shrimp sandwich or something like that, and consequently have always been sure they're doing it right

bleah, being a bad night as far as sleep. Maybe Fridays are when cortisol release equals shit sleep for me these days. Would be easier to work with, without capitalism as we know and love it.

Images, WWII, firearms, fantasy creatures, eye contact 

Here’s the slightly revised warforged paladin, plus two from today; copies of photos from the Euro Militaire book on WWII, I’m interested here in silhouette, the bulk of clothes and equipment, and how detail vanishes as size of drawings decrease.

coyote yell along hour, all caps RAtM 

COME ON!
YES I KNOW MY ENEMIES
THEY'RE THE TEACHERS WHO TAUGHT ME TO FIGHT ME!
COMPROMISE
CONFORMITY
ASSIMILATION
SUBMISSION
IGNORANCE
HYPOCRISY
BRUTALITY
THE ELITE!

coyote yell along hour, all caps RAtM lyrics 

YOU CRAM YOUR CULTURE DOWN MY THROAT
SAY I'M INFERIOR WHEN I FIND THAT I CHOKE
YOU FILL MY MIND WITH A FALSE SENSE OF HISTORY
AND THEN YOU WONDER WHY I HAVE NO IDENTITY?

coyote sing along hour, RAtM, movie quote 

I'm going to hang up the phone and then I'm going to show you what you don't want these people to see. A world without YOU. A world without boundaries or borders, without rules and restrictions. Where we go from there is up to you.

Although ya try to discredit
you'll still never edit
the needle I'll thread it
radically poetic
standing with the fury that they had in 66
and like e double I'm mad still knee deep in the system's shit
Hoover! he was a body remover
I'll give you a dose
but it can never come close
to the rage built up inside of me
fist in the air in the land of hypocrisy!

not only does the track "If That's Your Boyfriend (He Wasn't Last Night)" get me to work my hips and shoulders like I'm the femmiest Gay who ever got flogged next to the garlic fries at Folsom, but I actually assumed for the longest time that the narrator/singer was SUPPOSED to be a very Gay man. (Me'Shell is not a very Gay man.)

re: Part of what came out of yesterday's realizations about curiosity vs goal based dopamine release; 

@Oneironott @chimerror I was thinking about this some more and in my case I deffo think it circles around;

Being told that I'm unimportant, that I'm terrible, unwanted, unsafe, was going to generate a need for dopamine hits to keep going.

While simultaneously teaching me that if I were gonna feel good, it wasn't going to be from these tasks the adults and peers considered so important - after all I was doing what they wanted and even apparently succeeding sometimes and it meant nothing.

And I sure wasn't gonna get dopamine from social encounters while being isolated off at home right?

So now I'm seeing the double-whammy; I'd been trained that I wasn't going to be rewarded for doing tasks, *and* that curiosity not completion was going to feel rewarding. And similarly it can't have helped with socializing to have learned an ADHD approach to friendships on top of CPTSD jumpiness.

bigotry, fetishization, genocide 

@banneret no, that makes horrifying sense. Trans women are there only as sex objects/conveniently feminine (which won’t work for some transphobes); where trans men are viewed wholly through misogyny like anyone AFAB who won’t conveniently drop their entire life to be decorative and make children. Heteronormative misogyny moves transphobes to downright murderous with a terrible speed lacking in other bigots.

I'm not entirely SURE why the Yes album "Close to the Edge" is what White Dwarf prior to issue 100 would sound like as music, but it does, at least to me.

oh yeaaaah a "Yes" track longer than some punk *albums*

Show older
Awoo Space

Awoo.space is a Mastodon instance where members can rely on a team of moderators to help resolve conflict, and limits federation with other instances using a specific access list to minimize abuse.

While mature content is allowed here, we strongly believe in being able to choose to engage with content on your own terms, so please make sure to put mature and potentially sensitive content behind the CW feature with enough description that people know what it's about.

Before signing up, please read our community guidelines. While it's a very broad swath of topics it covers, please do your best! We believe that as long as you're putting forth genuine effort to limit harm you might cause – even if you haven't read the document – you'll be okay!