Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

this was the great bathroom of the dwarves

* camera trucks back to reveal dozens and dozens of toilets *
* single shaft of light illuminating the only surviving bog roll *
* choral music *

tis an elfing day to be a hero

nay, an ARMY of heroes

TOORAH!
#ObscureMovieQuote

listenin' to the Lord of the Rings soundtrack

people so elfy they wipe their asses with silvery laurel leaves engraved in Sperethiel

would sure be nice if someone other than me did dishes or did something to resolve dishes or ACTUALLY GOT THE DISHWASHER WORKING LIKE I WAS TOLD IT WAS WHEN I MOVED IN grr

I think I figured out a little more about how my childhood worked, just now, after learning the hard way about documents to compile for equipment leases, and verbiage required in document requests.

Thinking about;
* some memories of Augusta, growing up. Literally a world which doesn’t exist anymore, that’s kinda mind blowing.

* related, kinda wanting to watch a batch of Muppet Show episodes- was it as good as the vague memories, worse, better?

* really want to work f/t as an artist though I really have no clue how to do it

* want to go home and draw, though I probably should wash dishes and move boxes

Listen to the wind blow, down comes the naht.
Runnin’ the shadows, damn yer love, damn yer lahs!
Break the sahlence, damn the dark, damn the laht!

If there’s a soundtrack for “I was not made to work for a bank” it would probably be Hendrix. This album just makes me want to work as a malacologist or phycologist and surf and smoke out. Sadly my professional dreams of chitons are long behind me, nobody gets to have stuff like that anymore.

Does not help that I just processed my first lease rather than an EFA and had no training for it previously.

The first Hendrix track I ever heard is still my favorite!

Cranky this morning.

Some things at least are really good.

Woke up, really had to use bathroom, took melatonin. It's hard not to be anxious but I am trying to relax back, a little.

Furry #drawings from today. The kit fox is vaguely based on a friend!

Song interpretation; in “Next Year” where he sings about coming home next year? He never will. Similar to how I think “MIA” on the same album is about suicide. Seriously the inside of my skull is a bleak place sometimes, thankfully I’m pretty okay right now.

very Dave Grohl voice

DON’T WANNA BE DAME JUDY DENCH!
ONE MORE INDECENT ACCIDENT!
I’D RATHER LEAVE THAN SUFFER THIS!
DON’T WANNA BE DAME JUDY DENCH!

Another day where I feel like all hope is gone and I’m a major fuckup, and have to bash on that mood... but only from 2-4, about 4 my mood lifts substantially, this is some sort of circadian rhythm and possibly internalized memory deal. Glad the sun is shining, and that’s past.

I made three mistakes on this funding; the most minor was really my mistake, the other two were things I didn’t have enough experience to spot.

Thankfully my supervisor caught it, but now I feel awful- you know, “who would win, years of therapy, journaling and meditation, or memories of adults screaming at you about being stupid?”

I really want to do my job well, please believe me? This’ll pass.

My worries are probably rooted in childhood where I couldn’t get away from people who hurt me - and everything at least *seemed* really personal, so the idea that I alienate everyone and people hate me is way more past than present.

Realization from last night;

Despite my worries that people don’t like me, rationally few people dislike me and more people actively like me. You have to really spend time with someone to like or dislike them, so most people will be fairly neutral; their feelings are pretty WYSIWYG, and they move on quickly. You’ll spend enough time to dislike someone only when there’s no real choice; spending time with someone you like helps you like them more.

I am trying to be a good bank employee, tbh I want to draw (either furry stuff, a big cyborg gorilla fight, Spelljammer stuff, or just fennecs - anyone got preferences?).

Sorta want to share this realization about social interactions from last night, or about my apparent clones. Anyone got preferences there too?

Could have slept better but this is still good compared to last Tuesday. Trying out BART parking to avoid street cleaning today, let’s see how that goes.