Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

It's like when I realized that actual incidents of my parents completely losing it at at me or hitting me were relatively uncommon, but they snapped at me or denigrated me fairly often, so any time I was around them I was braced for the full fireworks display -- and I was *always* around them, except when I was at school, isolated at home, or the few occasions I actually got to be on my own. School was a similar thing (and I was always at school, except...).

Such that fencing changed my life not just because I was doing something spatially oriented or felt acknowledged as an athlete for the first time in my life (like I used to think) but simply because I wasn't in that dynamic.

This week I've been thinking about how because of my childhood's focus on worthiness, earning, deserving and punishment, I parsed all of the brutal requirements of school, set waking hours, having to clean etc as punishment. None of it was phrased more accurately as stuff someone had just decided to do and which I was stuck with, and I think I also gravitated towards the punishment interpretation because that implied some agency to escape. It certainly dovetailed into the idea that I'd do Something Right and escape all this miserable bullshit forever. I definitely took this interpretation of being punished into an adult life of set hours, commute, day job etc -- and it doesn't help that at some places (like in 2017) some of the trappings of adulthood *were* used as someone's power trip.

It also fits into this belief that everyone else is more wanted and valued than me, fits into the sort of competitive aspect my schools had. Now I'm realizing that most of the other kids in my schools were like me; they really didn't feel exceptionally safe, they didn't necessarily want to be there, they didn't actually enjoy it. This sure seems to carry over into work as well (there are how many songs about how everyone looks forward to not having a day job on the weekends?). Heck, this describes the teachers, and their bulk handling and favoritism, partly because they were as with any other day job, going through the motions.

Which gets back to the punishment/worthiness thing. When these people lashed out, they lashed out from the only worldview *they* knew, *they* had all these assumptions about punishment, worth, deserving.

So much of my worldview was a complete lie and there was literally no way I could *not* have bought into it.

In this time the most precious substance in the universe are square shortbread cookies. Cookies extend life. Cookies expand consciousness. The cookies are vital to space travel.

The Spacing Guild and its navigators who have mutated over 4000 years use Lorna Doones to fold space, that is to travel without moving.

https://www.relistwolves.org/comment-action

provides a link to the FWS comment site, which I feel is a lot more useful and direct than just another petition.

this thought brought to you among other things by how the video for "Pynk" is making me want a big Queer roadtrip to the Salton Sea

see what this world REALLY needs is a reboot of "Purple Rain"

as a near future sci-fi movie

with Janelle Monae as The Kid.

*squints at Trader Joe's samosas*

These things are as Indian as I am and therefore I do not feel bad about putting kochujang on them because it's the closest I have to appropriate sauce in the house

Kinda having an off day, but here's a #drawing of #DnD demon lords which went kinda... Mignola inspired actually.

they call me Cuban Pete
I smoke see-gars that smell like feet

oh yeah work's out, time to put on the "Only a Lad" album and bounce up and down!

* zero mostel voice *
here in Anatevka, we have this tradition that every Tuesday the food truck comes by

BURRITO!
BURRITO!
TRADITION!

ninja were also referred to as "shinobi" from "shi" (death) plus "obi" (belt), indicating that they had the most elite belt in Martial Arts, and therefore could use the best katanas from that shop in the mall

Spotted while walking at lunch, anonymous tagger declares they’re VERY HRONY using a tank car of possibly agricultural product/waste

I’m going to die thanks to their bullshit. Maybe I won’t go from a hate crime or a mass shooting or a policeman, maybe I won’t die during extreme weather thanks to climate change or poor air quality, maybe I’ll survive the next pandemic or terrorist attack or natural disaster they intentionally botch, but even if I do I can’t survive the way they’ve blocked easy access to health care.

Ever think that a lot of why we don’t have gun control is that the resulting shootings justify heavily armed police and play to their need to shoot suspects?

The thing that gets me is, according to business 101, capitalism is about resource circulation, healthy markets etc. I feel like the goals are solid but dogmatic worship of The Free Market doesn’t fulfill them, what we have is an excuse for some people being really rich. How many people would make bank off better public transit, widespread solar and wind power, rehabilitation programs, public housing for the homeless etc?

I was really getting into “Dead Man’s Party” when I realized they were playing it ‘cause of Halloween, and my chances of getting “Nasty Habits” let alone my favorite Oingo Boingo track sank to nil

dear KEXP if you played Bauhaus and Oingo Boingo on a regular basis I’d probably contribute to your fund drives, throw in Ministry and The Cure and it’s definite

Rebelling by singing in the car about how BEYla Lugoshi’s dead. Undead undead undead.

oh NO a search for "Persian near me" brings up the Persian and Himalayan Rescue Center and no, I just can't adopt a cat right now.

I'm so fucking angry at them.