Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Essentially taking out self hate puts me back at; look this isn’t comfortable, do I trust I could land somewhere more comfortable enough to say naw, not worth it, worth the discomfort of looking and feeling unsafe that way, instead?

… and, this is the point where my thoughts quickly cycle to “I wish I were actually smart and worthwhile, I should have become a programmer or a car mechanic and I’d be safe from this, but I was/am too weak and fucking stupid” then “I am never going to be safe, I should kill myself and escape but I’m too cowardly.” None of these are productive or helpful thoughts.

Training for this job continues to be incredibly discouraging and makes me feel I’d be no good at the real deal. I’m still planning to give it another day and a half before telling my agency this isn’t working and asking them to find a different position. I HATE this there’s always something you’re getting wrong; even without it actually inviting a (possibly screamed) harangue about how stupid and inept I am, it’s profoundly distressing.

Matrix Matrix Revolution, in which Neo wins a dance off with Smith and other agents because while preternaturally skilled and fast they’re still limited to normal dancing in the Matrix, whereas as The One, our hero can truly bust some freaky moves.

Finally drew werewolves for #WerewolfWednesday! #drawing non human eye contact

looking through the PF2 Bestiary while on the toilet and in the Grim Reaper section they talk about "Lesser Deaths" and imho they should be a dungeon hazard, like they pop out of treasure chests whenever you're looking for ham and stuff.

welcome to Heavenly Haven!

warning, citizen riot in progress!
#MovieQuote

is it time to listen to Smashing Pumpkins after the Crow soundtrack and really wish I could do the 90s over again, with being young back but without all the fucking self-hate?

sometimes it rains inside my head
when the words run dryyyy
walls are breathing, hands are reaching up
to touch my thiiighs
no they don't have to take you away
no they don't have to take you away
no they don't have to take you away
no they don't have to take you away

Today was ass. Gonna get some groceries, mix red wine and Coke, ink some.

Seriously pondering asking to swap to a different (ie data entry) position with minimal phone handling and wonder if in general I just suck at communicating.

You’re not gonna believe this, but what really upsets me is rooted in a batch of terrible shit from childhood (how do you best teach a little possibly ADHD, definitely PTSD introvert jock who’s *already* dumping nearly all the energy they can muster to do what’s officially vital, rather than reading or climbing trees or w/e?).

If I lose this job because I don’t consistently sound like I’m creaming my jeans/receiving a hepatoma diagnosis with our callers as called for by the situation…

Yep, it’s editing history on the fly. Clinton appointed judge this time. ANYTHING so long as the narcissist remains the awesomest ever. I’m so tired of this.

slept incredibly solidly for over 6 hours, and then; using the bathroom! anxiety! No, I don't get it, either.

I said there ain't no rest for the wicked
money don't grow on trees
I got bills to pay, I got mouths to feed
there ain't nothin' in this world for free
and so I can't slow down, I can't relax
though you know I wish I could

#drawings today, an elf or half elf facing off agains a fly demon! And, somewhere in the forest a goblin with her pack-spider is surprised by an eldrich giant!

The Specials - Ghost Town https://youtu.be/jqZ8428GSrI via @YouTube

everyone please stand for England's national anthem

to the kids driving around north Seattle in a beat up Toyota Celica "lifted" by the expedient of welding the chassis onto a really burly truck undercarriage;

oi, yer battlewagon looks RIGHT 'ARD m8!