Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Robocop Arcade Music Soundtrack (1988) https://youtu.be/kxEkWdm6w34 via @YouTube

the dorm had the arcade game in the little break/snack room across from the French language classroom where we met for TTRPGs and consequently I associate this soundtrack with Shadowrun

also pointing this out to @electrickeet

really getting into Rite of Spring and hunching pounding my fists on the table in time to "Ritual of the Rival Tribes"

and this isn't even the best part, with the Tyrannosaurus. (Please note; for the longest time I thought the Tyrannosaurus in "Fantasia" was an Allosaurus, 'cause it's got 3 fingers and is coterminous with Stegosaurus.)

I've been low key furious for a while, when I'm not depressed, or relaxed and happy enough not to be right in a terrible headspace. I'm keenly aware the anger and depression are separate responses to exactly the same stuff, essentially reactions to loss and harm.

and I'm re-realizing that I don't *like* being angry. I don't get anything out of my self righteous fury keeping me alive, or my rage fueling my artwork, or anything like that. I don't love my anger, it scares me, I want to go back to comfortable feelings. Feeling sad is actually *more* comfortable than anger; I know some of my experiences in Ann Arbor or with my ex are gone, never to come back, but these are *sadness* rather than *despair* because they're not current situations poking at me. Eg, "Size and social changes mean Further Confusion can't take place in the Doubletree" is different from "flushing money on this apartment and ever increasing gas and grocery costs mean I will never get to Further Confusion again."

Using the Buddha's analogy, I'm fully aware that holding onto the hot coal I want to throw at my enemy is doing me no good; I'd be happy if I could ever throw the coal and since I can't, I just want to drop it.

And I now re-realize that if I spent my childhood in that space of anger/depression, how uncomfortable I am with my anger, on top of being stressed by whatever already pissed me off, naturally opened me RIGHT up to believing I was this out of control monster. Very similar to how I bought in completely to the idea that I was this utter moron.

other things I was awesome at 13-18ish include walking and riding public transit for miles in horrifying heat largely without AC in order to get to the games shop

this quote from Bill Gates, spotted on Twitter, about being most likely to master whatever you do obsessively at 13-18 SO please let me know if you are hiring for

* reading Anne McCaffery, Fritz Lieber, Michael Moorcock, and Robert Howard

* building 1/72 scale AFVs despite horrifying depression

@troodon have you spotted this stuff before?

Dinosaur Vocalization Study Pt. III (2023) | Cretaceous Era II https://youtu.be/3a9hN-CvqUw via @YouTube

Phone screen done, scheduled Teams interview for Thursday, under 2 hours until next phone screen, put in for a batch of jobs and answered WA unemployment questions

My shoulders feel like I've fired a Nagant for a while and I should probably eat something.

in such a good mood I'm listening to the Schostakovich 7th again

also I love all the $17-18 job opportunities out there

do these people LIVE in Seattle? Do they just assume any and all of their employees are 20 somethings already forced to stay with their parents by the way this whole society was already completely fuxx0red?

the last time I applied for an administrative job with [company] they turned out to not have that job open surprise surprise and instead wanted me in their garage changing tires which they assured me was something with lots of future. Let's give it another try.

Not Ukranian as in 🇺🇦​ but Ukranian as in 🏴​

*heavy fake accent*
CATERPEELAR DRIVE
*choral music*

and inevitably the combination of naval marches and not-naval but patriotic music gets me to;

"kholodnaya utra, tovarisch kapitan"
"da, kholodnaya. I trudnaya."
"para po-plivat', tovarisch kapitan"
"da. Para."
#moviequotes

* clicks on Schostakovich 11 Mvt 4 *
* less than 1 minute later *

POWER BREEDS PARASITES
LONG LIVE ANARCHY

Also, I’d never made stuffed shells before and thought it was worth a try; those logs of goat cheese are vaguely like ricotta as texture. There are a lot more shells than just this. It tastes fuckin’ awesome! CW food photo

I was really enjoying how overdramatic the end of Dvorak's 9th Mvt 1 is, and then clicked a link to Berlioz's Symphony Fantastique, a piece which gets incredibly extra in the last two movements. I'm SO here for it.

* clicks on the Mahler 1st Mvt 4 which is definitely "you are all like little baby, check THIS out" over the top *

#drawings today, trying to get architectural elements more in there. Two investigators explore an abandoned house in rural nowhere, and two investigators flee unsuccessfully from *something* inside a house. Something big.

I have opinions and not all of them are that pleasant.