Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Today’s #drawing. So a dwarf fighter, a human barbarian and a changeling rogue go into a bar and

Trying to cut short a potential panic attack. Trying to be at least a little kinder to myself than my worst inclination.

#drawings tonight/finished tonight

the discovery that https://youtu.be/Bmfi7zRa_vU actually synchs up pretty nicely with Lipps Inc's "Funkytown."

Another #drawing today, furry stuff

#drawings today

I often feel that as I've gained perspective, sanity, and self-directed compassion, the world's been steadily getting harder to live in, so I usually don't feel like I'm able to catch a break. Even though I can idealize the late 90s as a time with relative prosperity, I was still REALLY mired in my bullshit and REALLY miserable as a result.

If there's a point where me gaining emotional health and the world not turning to shit intersected, it would have been around 2011-2015. The Bush years were finally past and we weren't descending into this current horror. I'd made some big steps forward emotional health wise, and felt hopeful about art, and housing was finally okay, I was living in a rent controlled place in the nicest part of NorCal before NorCal really started sliding downhill. Even though there were definitely triggers, shit jobs and other emotional disasters, I had enough buffering me that I can look back on that time period as the last time I was really doing well.

It took me this long to realize why I was looking back on that so fondly.

#drawings yesterday

I think I'm done protesting. I'm still alternating self-hate with being angry at them, and that's just a lot of noise and crowds as background for dealing with any sort of emotional stuff.

okay so working backwards from CR, I get a vague average of PCs doing 2.8-5 hp/round or 11.2-20 hp/round damage. It'll vary with AC and resistances which change PC chances of damage. (It also seems light.)

And I figure 12 minutes to adjudicate a single round of combat isn't terrible, since that means in an hour a 3-5 player group can resolve about 4 rounds of combat.

So assuming I want the monster(s) to last >1 round so everyone gets to participate (including a chance to appreciate how badass the monster is), but <10 rounds so players get to do

https://youtu.be/BxsNnUAyfd4 at 1:57

BRUTALITY
ANIMALITY
FATALITY

all of which are American dreams!
all of which are American dreams!
all of which are American dreams!

hey real quick dropping link in case someone gets it

NAACP's virtual career fair is at https://naacp.org/events/virtual-career-fair and it's 12-4, I assume Eastern so it would have just started

oh YEAH it's my favorite new wargame everyone's talking about, DENCH CRUSADE! In the grim darkness of the future, everybody is Dame Judy Dench and... wait, that's not what the game's about? That's not what the game's called?

#drawing tonight, before I ran off to look at inks.

Worked on #inks last night for the first time in months.

but what if instead of doing job hunting, I grabbed stuff by Toppi and Cam Kennedy and Mike McMahon, and went to a coffee shop and stared at it blankly hoping some of the inking would seep into my tiny brain?

related; don't I have own NORMAL superhero books somewhere?

aaaand I called my Dad, and that went about as well as you can really hope for, which means that I'm fucking pissed off and want to punch something.

unfortunately, as hard as I try to be sympathetic to my mother, especially right when she's having this much difficulty and she's stressed, but frankly I think that could be a little hard even without my baggage about her, and WITH my baggage, she drives me fucking up a goddamn wall.

Was thinking about how it looks like I have nothing to live for, and then I thought hey wait, isn't just being alive an okay reason to live? I have to be/make/discover/accomplish something special sounds really REALLY like gifted kid baggage.

I'm used to thinking that The Big Accomplishment is going to be ahead because otherwise I'm a total failure, someone who got wrecked as a kid and never really prospered (see the above this sounds like a gifted kid holdover), but. Who can say that the big accomplishment in my life, the thing I was supposed to be on this earth for, WASN'T that time I stayed with someone going into diabetic shock until the EMTs showed up, or that time I worked for a no-kill shelter, or that time I inspired a Starbucks barrista to start drawing again, or the time I let a homeless therian camp on my floor for a week then got them to Portland, or WASN'T just helping my ex get to Planned Parenthood to get birth control pills and being okay with her not having her uterus pulled? Or a batch of other things I just don't remember or feel good about right now?

watching a documentary on Mike Mignola, and he, Steve Purcell and Arthur Adams are talking about how they used to live in the same apartment building in Oakland and they used to walk around Mountain View Cemetery because it was close and pretty. I've BEEN THERE! I've been to the exact cemetery that probably inspired a batch of imagery in Hellboy and I didn't clue in AT ALL!