Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

I feel bad about a batch of stuff, I want to cry.

Laundromat! I’m at the laundromat! Doing laundry! *fart noise*

Second day down. Still really emotionally wobbly, wanting to be less broken *now* instead of a careful long haul. Everything feels out of reach, which is feeling rn, and not necessarily accurate .

Chugging along on training. Still sad and scared sporadically, I wish someone could hug me in meatspace or that I got more drawing time.

Current mood; wish I could afford therapy. I’m still unsure how i feel about gender stuff, and it’d be good to talk about that as well as all the other progress I’ve made in the last 8 months.

tonight's cute video found while waiting for indica to kick in; https://youtu.be/ItRMOCkrglc

A younger me would spend this evening cutting into their forearms, calling the suicide helpline and then chickening out when someone picked up. So I’m making progress by some standards; I just wish I felt better.

It's apparently incredibly difficult to get out of the chair, and walk to the burger place as planned.

And that’s day one. I’m sad and tired and want to be in woods but I made it through.

More memories of my grandparents when I must have been really young. I’m not sure why all this is coming out of memory space today. I still miss them, I still wish childhood had been different.

A good memory came back;

It’s in the year after I moved here and my then girlfriend is showing me Hakone Gardens for maybe the first time. We stop at a cafe in Saratoga in an old arts and crafts building. Beyond the big opened veranda doors are redwoods and sunlight, and I’m with her and things are really really good just then.

Without gods there are no storytellers and without storytellers there are no gods.

Waiting for train to the city. I slept poorly but for the night before first workday in months historically,pretty well.

wakefulness with poor temperature regulation/sweating, this sucks.

Two more #drawings from reference today!

Something that seriously bugs me about there being actual Nazis running around, police and Administration are just great with it and excuses are made?

My parents are old, and footage and stories coming back from the camps were really early and bad memories for them. They aren't my favorite people in the world, but being around for this isn't what I'd want for them. It's horrible to say "I'm glad my Gramma and Grampa aren't around for this," but it's true.

Gonna grab a short nap. Tried to clean inside of headphone jack with no luck but I made a Friday appointment to get it loaded at.

I will try not to worry you, I have seen things that you will never see,
Leave it to memory, me,
I shudder to breathe
I want you to remember.

#drawings from reference from today; I don’t know how easy it will be to get drawing time the next few days.