Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

Singing "skrreeeeee!" along with the speaker feedback on the "Hormoaning" EP, which frankly I like more than Nevermind.

#drawings from months back inked today as practice. Larry Elmore inspired fighter vs armored ogre; dwarf musketeer vs vampire; a vampire and her dire wolves; dwarf wizard vs goblin wizard in walking throne with an imp familiar!

Learned hopelessness analogy;

Suppose moving forward in life is a bridge. Maybe it's a suspension bridge high over nothing, or it's a floating bridge bobbing up and down on a lake. That's a little intimidating, and then add in - the bridge narrows, there's wind or water moving it, and sometimes other people will barrel right by and make it sway scarily with their actions.

The worst, of course, is if someone intentionally tries to scare you by jumping up and down, such that afterwards eveyone who shakes the bridge parses as doing it intentionally.

Isn't hunkering down in place and not moving forward - or crawling forward as slowly and carefully as possible - a pretty reasonable response to stuff this scary? Which of course doesn't really help in the long run (you want to get off the bridge).

Let's say you can get to two grocery stores, and one has better products, and a better diversity, for cheaper - but it's further away. Once you have a bike, car or even sturdier bags to carry on the bus, you can save money and feel far healthier.

Maybe eating better helps you bike further, maybe saving money helps you get a car so getting there's no problem -- but if you don't get a bike, car, or sturdy bags through sheer luck you're stuck with the nearer store, which means you can't actually get those things. the crappy option *keeps* you locked into the crappier option for years.

okay, finished job hunting for another day, somehow.

Did some drawing first, and feel like I figured out a little more stuff. But Zeppelin's "That's the Way" is making me feel weepy, so I probably should close the laptop, get something more to eat, etc.

brief note of explanation; my Dad basically controlled music growing up (ie, he likes the good stuff, and we have an LP/CD player, why would I want to listen to anything else?). Consequently I grew up listening only to stuff he liked, or top 40s I happened to hear.

My Dad's taste in music is *only* classical (his parents stopped him from going to Juliard, etc), some folk rock, some jazz. So real limited, and I've been trying to explore music ever since I got out of there. But getting out of my comfort zone was real slow at first. I actually can credit my interest in visual art for finding some music I like; I wouldn't have known about Tom Waits without "Hellboy," I wouldn't have gotten interested in Tori without Tony Diterlizzi talking about her, I discovered Jethro Tull thanks to Iain McCaig obviously.

Other stuff has just been random luck. F'rex you'd expect that I'd fall in love with Oingo Boingo instantly (true), but because I'm not from SoCal or particularly Goth, I only found out about them thanks to my (NorCal) ex. I found Tinariwen thanks to YouTube recommendations. Etc.

We now return you to your typical range o' posts.

listenin' to Tori's "Little Earthquakes" album because someone reminded me it existed, and occasionally I need to indulge the part of my identity which is Jon the Somewhat Weepy Childhood Abuse Survivor.

There was a chunk of my life when my listening was almost completely RAtM, Tori Amos, NIN, and... uh... actually Rob Zombie and Tom Waits, too. I was kinda fucked up, y'think?

You know what I could go for?

Getting on the road and driving. Maybe a friend's with me, I'd like that a lot. Head south, maybe south and west and spend the night at a hotel or motel. Even though it's not a familiar room, it's clean and feels safe. Maybe there's a diner or something like that, after all the kinda junky food eaten while driving. Even though it's an adventure there's plenty of warmth, plenty of sunlight and food and soft bedding.

really *really* not looking forward to the temperatures dropping next week.

Goodnight, Texas - “Of Wolf and Man” from The Metallica Blacklist https://youtu.be/6qYBI1fI7_4 via @YouTube

still no bluegrass cover, but this one's good enough that I'm wearing my poncho to listen to it, and really wish I could light up.

Thomas Oliver - 'Jurassic Park Theme' (Weissenborn Instrumental) https://youtu.be/D-f9bpMpddA via @YouTube

"Welcome to Hell Creek." *spits*

10. Plush Hole Sun - (Soundgarden + Stone Temple Pilots Mashup) by MashG... https://youtu.be/YXmEkGneo3U via @YouTube

so 90s I now want to get some coffee, have a couple of American Spirits, and be petty making fun of the ault Men Seeking Men section of The Stranger.

Look, most of what you WANT to do is probably cringe. There's a lot of horrible shit out there, and nobody's talking about how embarrassing THAT is, compared to wearing a pup hood/running around on all fours/model railroading/writing Sonic fanfic/w/e harmless stuff.

The only way you'll avoid being cringe is sticking with what media tells you is appropriate for conventionally pretty cis people your age who are naturally athletic, like movies and who are pretty well off.

So why beat yourself up?

HOOVER! HE WAS A BODY REMOVER!
I'LL GIVE YOU A DOSE
BUT IT'LL NEVER COME CLOSE TO THE RAGE BUILT UP INSIDE OF ME
FIST IN THE AIR IN THE LAND OF HYPOCRISY!
MOVEMENTS COME AND MOVEMENTS GO
LEADERS SPEAK MOVEMENTS CEASE WHEN THEIR HEADS ARE FLOWN
CAUSE ALL THESE PUNKS GOT BULLETS IN THEIR HEADS
DEPARTMENT OF POLICE (what) THE JUDGES (what) THE FEDS

I think what I'm going to do with my feelings of "the world is meant for someone else not me" is go with a pretty basic "that's a way too simple explanation of things."

oh YEAH the part of the Juno Reactor album when Keanu fights that one dude.

cooked pea shoots, cooked chicken liver, decided I wasn't in a chicken liver mood right now and tried making chopped liver for the first time ever, since I have this rye bread I can make sandwiches with later. So currently having noodles with this sauce I picked up Sunday.

I remain angry at the same old shit I was angry about 2 years ago, 5 years ago, will be angry about 10 years from now probably, who the hell knows

I have now pushed myself through job hunting today too, despite my mood going steadily from "drumming on my coffee cup to really catchy oud" to "everything I value is nothing within a society which benefits the wealthy, abusive and greedy, with no consequences."

Break time.

catching haloes on the moon
gives my hands the shapes of angels
in the heat of the night the animals scream
in the heat of the night falling into a dream

... always thought the song was about animism, environmental destruction, species loss. Apparently it's about Robert Smith wanting to get laid at a big nasty room party at a furry con, or similar.