Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

I play my stupid songs,
I write these stupid words,
And I love everyone
Waiting there for me,
Yes I do. Yes I do.

Slept somewhat near 4 hours, had at least two separate bad anxiety spikes, stomach upset and acid reflux; I must’ve coped with the mix of bad news less well than I thought. Coffee is helping me relax and feel sleepy but still hypervigilant. Listening to Schostakovich Sym 7 again which isn’t a good sign.

Feeling very fragile rn, possibly because last night featured maybe 3 hours of sleep and at least two separate anxiety attacks. I may ask to leave early to sleep more. I’m still expecting to be yelled at, at some level.

sleep's being something this evening

trying to remember that attaching a big narrative, building a big narrative off my discomfort is specious - I can't know all facts which influence what happens next, so even my best guess isn't necessarily what happens next.

a terrifying hybrid of Harlan Ellison and Harland Sanders

edify, v, to make something look as though during the Edo period, namely by filming it in black and white with a 2.35:1 aspect ratio

guess who is awake thanks to anxiety spiking and really bad acid reflux? (I can't directly blame insurance and my work for the latter, though I did wind up eating slightly too greasy comfort food later than usual.)

HIDARI (Pilot Film) - The Stop-Motion Samurai Film https://youtu.be/DpefYPLH67A via @YouTube

not my work, but this is just beautiful, and how it's all framed as the characters being puppets

@troodon more Kemetic adjacent;

Using Science to Hear an Ancient Mummy Speak https://getpocket.com/explore/item/using-science-to-hear-an-ancient-mummy-speak?utm_source=twtrsynd&utm_medium=social via @Pocket

This evening, it's good having the reminder that as an artist, as a friend - that I don't need to be professional or even especially good to contribute something to the world, to help make peoples' days just a little brighter. And doing so is more meaningful than insurers, landlords, police, politicians and most clergy, whom our society tells me are so much more important and vital than I am, but who contribute little other than parasitism and harm.

Believe me I wish I were a good enough artist that I could walk away from jobs that pay okay for making me feel worthless and disposable. Sadly the time for that to matter was 15 years ago and now would be impossible if I *were* that good.

Responded to my boss’ text with “please don’t text me outside work hours.”

Отвали. Идти на хуй.

Nobody else here again. So I can play the Goodnight Texas cover of Of Wolf and Man and cry if I need to. Seriously the reason I’m this way is one catastrophe worth yelling at me after another, or being on alert for them to yell at me again, with no escape or privacy or downtime that couldn’t get interrupted at a moment’s notice, for years. Not that super picky coworker is a great time either.

Yelling at me puts me into this mood somewhere between “I want to curl up in a pile of stuffed animals and be told that I am good and loved and safe” and “I want to cut my wrists into the sink.” Walking outside as lunch. Will call temp agencies tomorrow.

I’m not working for a property management company again though. You work for evil people and inevitably they’ll have no qualms about hurting you. Unfortunately most companies are somewhere between “evil” and “Erhardt Milch called and he thinks you’re taking it a bit far.”

Oh for fuck’s sake you’re threatening to fire me because 1) I looked through some files to find LV insurance info and you were not around to tell me where that was and 2) I opened a rent file to check that a tenant had paid rent while coworker was on vacation in NYC? Fuck you. My day just went from “gonna tough it out, head home, draw” to utter shit.

Subtoot

“Soul vore” is when a furry eats another furry with collards and maybe sweet potato pie

Lady being around you is like slamming espressos while watching a documentary about Chernobyl. Could you please either step off or comp me a bill from the dispensary?