Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

I’m not a perfect person, I am not a Buddha. I don’t know everything. I’m just a shitty little coyote, and frankly “shitty little coyote” should be good enough, and should always have been good enough, dammit.

These people have made me miserable, not just kinda unhappy for four days out of the last five and I don’t think that’s just me being overdramatic or whatever I think it’s their shit

People like this were all over my childhood. What was I going to think other that I was stupid, innately inept and getting everything wrong? I fucking operated a particle accelerator, graduated college, learned how to drive and fence and draw, etc, all COMPLETELY CERTAIN I was irredeemably stupid and inept thanks to stuff like this, and only being trained that s**cide was an unforgivably hurtful action is nearly the only reason it didn’t literally kill me.

Oh yeah and; their sample call was upset and I did my best to deescalate and they marked me down for saying “again,” because that could be perceived as condescending and not using active listening enough. It is literally impossible to please someone who’s pre decided how I am going to perform. I am fucking triggered rn but need to call shitwipe and have him tell me in the most accusatory manner what I got wrong, just like having to listen to my fucking Dad as a kid.

Hey guess who got as high as 80/150 on their fifth graded call? Yeah. This is like fucking grade school. I would rather work someplace that started with the assumption that I *might* be a good employee for them. Fuck this.

Mock call 5 is supposed to be a test of “caller angry about everything” so my boss (not my trainers) asked me into his office to warn me and check if I was up to it. I said yes because I feel that won’t change the core stuff I might get right or wrong (I feel okay with some material *not* tested by the prior 2 graded calls), and I’m already familiar with how bad bombing a graded call here feels. So I expect this to really emotionally wipe me.

Late stage capitalism, in which there’s actually lots of stuff I want to buy from folks who have been obscured by algorithms, while constantly trying to block or mute folks selling stuff that doesn’t interest me at all, and this is academic because I largely can’t spend much.

I don’t know the future, I’m not a telepath, I might for all I know actually get past this training. And if that happens then I look for something else and ditch these folks as soon as possible. But in the meantime I need to do due diligence about trying to get past training.

why do birds suddenly appear
every time you are near
just like me, they long to be
close to you
why do stars fall down from the sky
every time you walk by?
just like me, they long to be
close to you

You know what I think the video for "Today" is about right? https://youtu.be/xmUZ6nCFNoU

Amon Amarth be like "that last time I sang AAAXXXE it didn't sound quite badass enough, let's do another take" and Heilung be like "our new song Ale with lyrics taken from runes carved in a Vendel period spear haft they found in a bog outside Arhus"

#drawings today, an ogre chieftain hoists a fully armored foe high into the air, and a wizard (with her halfling scout friend) confront a weird undead! (My thinking is githyanki lich wrapped in spell bindings but levitating and using ghost hands to cast spells.)

I said FISH FUCK BABY
I'm gonna fuck you with a fish!
I said FISH FUCK BABY YEAH!
I'm gonna fuck you with a fish!
I'm gonna take a moa-moa and swim it up your butt!
You slut! You whore!
WHY ARE YOU MY MOM
WHY ARE YOU MY MOM
WHY ARE YOU MY MOM
WHY ARE YOU MY MOM
Fish fuck!

SLAY THEM ALL LET THEM COME!
LET THEM COME!
LET THEM COME!
THEY COME FOR
MEAT! SANDWICH! (crucify)
MEAT! SANDWICH! (crucify)
MEAT! SANDWICH! (crucify)
MEAT! SANDWICH!
MEAT! SAAAAWAANDWICH
MEAT SANDWICH, WHOA-WHOAAAA!

Man Tomas Giorello is so COOL!

I just want them to skip ahead to the part where they fire me. This is DEFINITELY not working for me and I don’t feel permitted to back out.

Back to “who the hell gave these people the right to trigger me and who the hell gave my Dad and teachers the right to install them?”

Still “get this thing right for which we gave you no specific instructions/have increased the difficulty on/will talk to you about what you should have done afterwards while you cannot get away or protest” even without the screaming is enough like childhood it’s not welcome. And discourages my studying.

And that was mock call 4, which I probably bombed because they threw a hitherto unaddressed issue, and I went over 2 minutes on hold because supervisors were unavailable, and I’m sure there’s more they will spot. That’s a downer but then, they’ve already soured me on working here.

And if for whatever reason the 4th graded call is brutally terrible; I didn’t have any weed last night and that could help tonight or tomorrow night if they act as i’m worried about.