Rain Dog @Leucrotta@awoo.space

* Scarlett O'Hara voice *
Ah've made mah peace gesture! Th' forms of canle have been observed!
* fans self *

"I'm not frightened of dying. Any time will do, I don't mind. Why should I be frightened of dying, there's no reason for it, everybody's got to go sometime."

... I always imagined the speaker being an elderly hobbit with a big tankard of beer. In case you're wondering it's the doorman at the recording studio.

This morning I'm realizing that despite having really worked (at least somewhat successfully) to avoid barreling top speed into all my narratives about self hate, the past workdays and their end have been emotionally exhausting, and the sudden crying jag about the end of "Time" really drives that home.

sadly the subtle magic of air pressure and just enough moisture means I can't make fart noises with my hands consistently

but for one magical moment I was able to make fart noises with my hands for some of the instrumental in "I Love Rock and Roll"

DOWN DOWN TO GOBLIN TOWN
YOU GO MY LAD
HO HO MY LAD
GOBLINS YAP AND GOBLINS YIFF
GOBLINS SPLIT A BIG FAT SPLIFF

Well… they ended my assignment. Not unexpected, but I had to do due diligence trying to get somewhere with this.

This wasn’t as bad as feared and though unsure if I’ll be fired I feel bad right now, instead of completely miserable like I was thanks to the prior 3 graded calls. 1+ hour to go.

Like in recordings I have hints of the speech problems I had as a kid. I’m not imagining this.

Just trying to remember; there are a lot of moving parts in this process and being stressed out doesn’t make material stick in my head better. More realistic as well as more compassionate than the flood of self hating thoughts.

In 2.5 hours no matter what i can go home and I can snap rubber bands on my wrists to keep from self harm, and I can hop online to remain in contact with people, and I can set big value judgments of my worth aside because I know my perception is really biased by old messages.

There’s the sick feeling I missed this whole weekend. The certain knowledge that I’m complete shit.

More forest from Saturday.

Trying to feel better here are some forest photos from Saturday.

6th graded call was another completely new situation- caller not in database, checked all possible points of information, they turned out to be calling for a different line we handle, I was able to find them provide the number for that line. I’m sure this will be graded incredibly poorly, because I’m officially bad at this. Just gotta go through the rest of this process and tear hell out of my emotions further before they fire me and it is perfectly officially justified.

Also I hate how my IQ drops if I’m sufficiently scared and need all the intelligence, adaptability and focus I can throw together.

And of course the thing I need to do before my 6th and final practice call is I have to demonstrate understanding of this script in a questionnaire. Every button I have about being engineered to fail has been jumped on already this morning and it is likely to get worse so my apologies if I’m a completely unsympathetic wreck later today.

I love cats so much!… I mean not that you didn’t know that but it’s a lot nicer than some of the stuff in my head this morning.

Mega Drive - Neuroframe | FULL ALBUM | 2021 | https://youtu.be/0XcB8ePUXVM via @YouTube

#puyallup #frag #nuyen #sperethiel #chummer

nuyen Redmond Barrens monorail Stuffer Shack soy-cafe, chummer.

not wasting the opportunity to listen to the Bladerunner soundtrack again before the rain is replaced by *actual* futuristic dystopia weather #chummer