tired of memories (~-)
Sometimes I'd really like to remove all the goddamn memories I have that are all tied in to him, so that there's not this deep well of pain surrounded by a spiderweb of interlocking thoughts and memories that all lead back into the middle.
I would really like memory without pain.
tired of memories (~-)
@Soreth So.
A technique I've been using is Gardiner in the Dark. The title is a Freefall reference.
It's a guided visualization exercise. Picture your painful memories mapped to any visual representation you'd like: I tend towards a 3d brain, red dots for the problematic ones. Not *actual* memories: don't relive them, that reinforces and rewrites them.
Then imagine triggering the Gardiner program... and randomly delete half of those red dots.
tired of memories (~-)
@Soreth And you'd think, being fond of it, I'd know how to spell Gardener in the Dark by now, but, well. New glitches. That... will happen if you prune your connective memories a little too enthusiastically. I imagine.
I had a friend once who warned me about that, I think.
tired of memories (~-)
@Momentrabbit My head's glitched enough already. Maybe it's better to just let things go naturally...
tired of memories (~-)
@Soreth
(takes rabbit mask off) I'm genuinely sorry Soreth, I shouldn't make deadpan jokes about braindamage like that.
GitD isn't actually a memory deletion technique - it's a distraction. Its purpose is to get you out of revisiting (and strengthening) an unpleasant memory, and visualizing something abstract - and to build that habit. A repatterning exercise: trains your brain to not do the painful thing, and do something else. And it is harmless. (cont)
tired of memories (~-)
@Soreth
Any visualization practice will do instead of making lights go out: moving shapes around in space, picturing places you've never been. Or mayybe you're more auditory? Concerts without connotations to the bad memories, audio cues. Scents that bring you to a safe place. Whatever works. The goal is to redirect negative memory chains, rather than reinforce them.
If it helps, great. If not, no harm no foul - I hope another technique works for you. 💜
tired of memories (~-)
@Soreth Every time you practice this, you'll find there are a few fewer dots. (Maybe a few more after particularly tumultuous periods that rustle up old, archived data, but on average.) Really, I'm just picturing a natural process at work - but it feels good to imagine I have some degree of say over activating it and seeing its progress.
It's silly, but some nights when I catch myself looping, it helps me quiet painful memories. Perhaps it can help you. 💜