MH, Christmas, PTSD (+/-)
Doing better today. Didn't realize how much post traumatic stress I was dealing with from my childhood.
I need to be more communicative when I'm hurting, not hide it behind forced cheer and extroversion just because my Mom would go off on everyone and ruin christmas if anyone complained about baking 20 dozen cookies for her Alcoholic friends.
I need to be open with others about my limitations instead of bleeding myself out for everyone automatically.
I need to accept that I'm not going to get emotionally reamed out for 24 hours just because I slipped and dropped a jar of pickles.
And it's a challenge when everyone is stressed and your alarm bells are going off constantly. It's hard to feel like everyone is stressed but not Because of You, when you're used to getting Blamed and Faulted and Guilted for things you didn't do, or intend to do.
re: MH, Christmas, PTSD (+/-)
@Motodrachen
I can relate. Holidays are merciful for me, at least, and I realize how lucky I was comparatively to have the family I did--though there were downsides--but I had later experiences in life with others that leave me feeling defensive and paranoid about everything I'm doing, often to the point of being ridiculously secretive about innocuous things because I'm afraid of the potential reaction. I'm always sensitive to others' stress as well, and I assume I'm the cause or at least contributing.
Take some quiet time if you can, hm?