(CPTSD, Executive function, regression, productivity) discussion
The shitty thing about [my] CPTSD is that in periods of stress, moreso the closer such stress is to my traumas, I tend to get flashbacks a/o regression. Regression, I feel, is often misinterpreted. It doesn't particularly mean fully mental regression, at least for me.
(CPTSD, Executive function, regression, productivity) discussion
Particular in it's manifestation in me, I tend to regress in how I've healed, back to how i was during my traumas. Throw most of what I've learned our the window, and especially any inkling of being capable of handling the situation.
(CPTSD, Executive function, regression, productivity) discussion
When I say that 'it's like I'm 17 again', I feel as capable of handling anything that is going on as a 17 year old who just got abandoned by their parents. It usually means I'm dissociating/surviving but not as capable of handling things as my years of healing would suggest
combined with my ADD and lack of executive function ability, it often means that I almost completely lack the ability to even make my situation better.
I say all this as I'm starting to become more cognizant of these things, and finally starting to dig my way out of the cycle
@Oneironott understood, I’ve been there. Every bit of knowledge from therapy, psychedelics, meditation and reading falls away for 5 - 240 minutes and it’s the worst feeling. After that I can actually resolve my emotions fairly easily *if* nothing else smashes me. I’m hoping to work on more DBT to resolve that gross space while I’m stuck.
(CPTSD, Executive function, regression, productivity) discussion
It means that instead of working harder to feel like I'm at least being productive in making things better, I'm afraid, dissociating, and spending a lot of time and effort trying to crawl out of that, or making the day at least somewhat manageable.
Because it's what I, the 30 year old with the capabilities of someone younger than 18, can manage to do.