MH(~-), gender
Times are changing, and I feel like I've barely had time to process moving here. Rather, process the trauma I was leaving.
I wondered tonight "what happened to me?"
Specifically, I remember being much happier when i first started transitioning. It occurred to me that all those social shittiness I experienced of being a trans 'girl' in the midwest has possibly had its' tendrils in deeper than I thought, and has been fairly traumatic for me.
MH(~-), gender
I'm reminded of the term I heard re: living as trans... 'death by a thousand cuts'.
I've said on a few occasions "those who didn't know me before; I feel so much better now" and that's still true but to a lesser extent than what used to be.
"Before, I would be 'not depressed' two days out of every two weeks and not I'm 'depressed' two days out of every two weeks"
Now, on a good cycle it's maybe... half and half
which is better
but it begs asking...
"what the hell HAPPENED?"
MH(~-), gender
@Oneironott I'd suggest;
transness is relatively caught up in neurochemistry. You're going to have trans issues no matter what you're socialized to be.
Genotypically expression tends to be a function of chromasomal distance, and any endocrine expression probably affects others - so maybe being trans might stack with a batch of other psych health issues, no matter what you're socialized to be.
Then add how childhood's shit for a lot of people and it's not good.