woo, unhappiness
I feel like I've lost whatever touch I had. A lot of things seem forced and I'm not sure what to actually -do- anymore. Or in general. I actually never did?
I mean, I want to do something... I want to be more involved but I don't know how. I don't know what to do or how to cope but my life is now just work and being exhausted from work and being just sucked 24/7 into the orthocosm and I hate it. I hate the need to survive and live like this I just want to GO HOME.
woo, unhappiness
Looped into this is my discontent with being parsed a cis woman, my discontent with my bits, my weird libido…
Do I just not have the ability to be happy? Is that it? Am I only content when I'm unhappy? Am I always just pointing at one thing or another with a sigh. Hah. Maybe if I ever did get this body I see myself as, is suddenly just not want it anymore. How'd that be for a fucking joke
woo, unhappiness
I slept last night 6-7 hours. Worked , and then spend all the rest of the day laying and resting and sleeping and that's basically my norm. I must rest and sleep at least 12 hours a day and I'm absolutely sick of no one seeing that as a problem. It's always "oh that's good", and everything focus on not getting enough sleep.
unhappiness, suicide mention
I just don't want to exist anymore. I want to rest and fade and go back beyond the stars. I'm so tired. So so tired I want to just die
woo, unhappiness
@Oneironott The nominal working day is a slow killer, it's something I struggle with heavily.
unhappiness, suicide mention
@Oneironott I'm so sorry you're going through this, sis... *squeezes tightly*
woo, unhappiness
And meanwhile I'm touch deprived and fucking needy and treated so awkwardly by my roomate. I hate everything and I'm interrupted CONSTANTLY and talked over and I have no time for ANYTHING, not even writing.
I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THIS WORLD I HATE THIS WORLD