I thought I knew what my gender was, once. I used to say "female" and then I said "woman" and these days I'm, like, "I got the body I wanted and people who lack all the bits I cared about are still female and people who have all those bits don't have to be. I have protective and nurturant drives but many women don't and many who aren't women do, so even that doesn't help."

People who ask me what my gender is want me to label a bucket of inalienably personal qualia and desires for qualia with a word, and then they want to compare the juxtaposition of me and that word to others who use that word, as though that tells them something. It's not about the label. It's about all the things that go into the label, and many of those simply define externalization. They simply _are_.

Part of why I still say "I identify as" instead of "I am" is explicitly because "I am" implies an objectivity about the universe which I just can't muster, and partially because I have no more control over the perceptions of others than they have over mine. I can say "this is what I call myself," and even "this is what I would like you to call me," but I can't force people to not be assholes. I can merely point out that they're assholes if they don't reify my identity.

Of course, all this gets way out into privileged theory that I'm afforded because I have a tremendous level of passing privilege, and I'm aware of it. Others who struggle with basic acceptance _need_ more support than "identify as" can provide.

We as a species aren't really _ready_ to deal with trans identities because we weren't really even ready to deal with female identities as valid and whole and equal to male ones, to say nothing of non-binary and fluid ones. To anyone reading, I reify and affirm, I validate and acknowledge. I see you. I believe you. Your gender is real, your feelings are real, your feelins about your gender -- even your genders -- are real, and I accept them.

Society... isn't there yet.

It often feels to me as though society is going to have to come to terms with the harms that have been wrought under the identity-as-biology model before it's really going to be ready to get a good handle on... "identity as revelation of personal mystery" model. Or whatever you want to call the exploration of deep and personal self that cannot be _seen_ to be _known_. Because we do know our genders. We just can't always articulate them.