Soreth @Soreth@awoo.space

Ahh, the memories... Found an old flash drive with some of the copy center meme-stuff on it.

(Original source probably http://www.colinharman.com/howwouldyoulikeyourgraphicdesign/)

I have already been bitten once for the previous toot.

So...

I have updated my privacy policy.

But I'm not going to tell you what it says.

So... it's been two years now since the fateful moment of looking at some TFTG smut and suddenly realizing with a deep pang that I wanted to _be_ what I saw there... not just that it was a hot idea, but that what I'd commissioned was a deeper part of me than I knew.

Two years. It's almost no time at all, but it is a milestone worth noting. Since that moment, every step I have taken and every second that has passed has brought me closer to the truest me.

So last night I dreamed I was at a big concert/event with some friends, and some random shithead in the crowd started harassing and heckling me for being visibly trans.

Not the start I needed this morning. :/

Feeling a lot better after breakfast, several hours, and then lunch.

But right now, I'm sad and exhausted.

I can't escape the thought that I failed somehow. All my friends (and I can't remember their names, now) are still back there. Still stuck. He's still back there, angry as hell that I managed to depart before he could stop me.

But I survived. I did something unexpected and escaped the inevitable. A foe I couldn't fight, I didn't. I just left instead. I don't know if I'll dream it again, or how things will be after I broke this "cycle". Maybe next time it will be different.

If I ran, I'd die. If I refused his bargain, I'd die. He was so close now, I had seconds. There was no way I could raise more than a token resistance, and it'd be absolutely futile. He was so much stronger than I was, he'd brush anything I could do aside without effort.

I couldn't run, I couldn't fight, I couldn't agree... but I reakuzed there was one thing I could do. This was a dream, even if it was a repeating one. I could just leave it.

I woke up, and left everything behind.

It had been more than five hundred years since the last time we did this, when he killed me for refusing. I could still remember that (and I could remember dreaming it before - this was at least the second time I'd had this dream. Outliving him seemed unlikely.

He came closer, striding inevitably toward me. I was tired, I was injured, there was no way out. There was nothing I could marshal within to help me - my white fire was either missing or I couldn't remember how to stoke it.

And then he arrived. Massive, powerful, immensely strong... I knew I was completely outclassed, even without the wound I'd just taken. Seeing me stuck in human form, he folded in on himself and walked toward me as a human as well. Serious, slightly respectful, but knowing that he could effortlessly kill me if I refused.

For a moment I thought, "What if I give in this time? What would it cost me? Can I keep from being corrupted? He can't live forever..."