Friendship question
I have a friend I've known for about 13 years. She's very hit or miss as a friend; I won't hear from her from six months, but she'll be there for me in an emotional crisis.
When we're hanging out she's attentive and kind to me, but then I won't hear from her for weeks. She isn't reliable and it's becoming a problem. I want to stay friends, but I can't help but feel like I put a lot more energy into this friendship than I get back from it.
What would you recommend I do?
Friendship question
That's what I've been trying to do, for the most part. But I worry if I don't make an effort to contact her, then she just won't contact me.
I guess at this point it's a matter of accepting that it's okay if that happens. If it's too much work for her to contact me, then maybe the friendship isn't worth it to continue. That does make me sad though.
Friendship question
@Sparrow i have a friend like this! eventually I accepted that this is Just Her and I lower my expectations. I have talked to her about it and she acknowledges it at least.
Friendship question
Yeah, my friend is semi-aware of it. She'll either do the "Sorry I'm a crap friend!" thing or "Sorry I disappeared, you know that's how I do."
For a long time I did lower my expectations of our friendship, but recently (~3 months ago) we started hanging out more often again and having deeper conversations. That made me hopeful we could become close again. But she's gone back to being more distant, so maybe that wasn't a realistic expectation.
Friendship question
! I didn't realize there was a word for that kind of friendship, but that makes a lot of sense.
Nah, it doesn't feel targeted or mean. Just mildly irritating. But yeah, lowering my expectations might be the best way to go about things.
Thanks!
Friendship question
@Sparrow I'm pretty sure I've been this friend...
What would your friendship look like if you just started more closely matching the level of energy she's putting in? Is that something that seems like it might be more sustainable for you?