Can someone please tell me how to make friends as an adult?
It feels a lot more challenging than it should be.
That makes sense.
Making friends through common interests or hobbies seems like a good choice, because then at the very least you're doing something enjoyable.
Friends of friends have panned out well in the past, but that still takes a lot of work in terms of planning or going to regular social meetings. Not impossible to do, just a lot of work to plan for.
@Sparrow I find it quite nice to find new ppl over the interet. Always have. Most of the times, of course, these ppl tend to be spread all over the globe, but sometimes I'm lucky.
My ability to make friends on the internet has varied over the years. From age 11-15 I met loads of friends online, but for 16-24 most of my time has been spent offline. Lately I'm picking up those skills again.
Being based in the bay area helps. There tend to be a lot of queer geeks based in this area. I just need to meet them. :P
@Sparrow
My two main tactics:
- I go on dates while making it clear upfront that I'm not looking for A Partner. A surprising number of my friends are people I've met through Tinder, OKC, and FL.
- I schedule a weekly brunch at an accessible diner. I invite friends and they invite their friends - we've been as small as two and as large as 12. I go with the diner because it's basically no work for me, there's always seating, and it's cheap.
Interesting! Yeah, I've met some friends thru dating websites too, but they're typically the people I get along with, but can't see dating. At this point I'm intentionally single and planning to be for a while. Are there really ppl on those dating websites just interested in friends?
I like that. I'm hoping to host casual game nights from my apartment soon, but it's a second floor so accessibility could be an issue. I like the diner idea and may incorporate that too.
@Sparrow
Well no - everyone I've met on a dating site has friends+more in mind. But if there's no chemistry I've become quite adept at keeping them as friends. Same with people I have dated - keep them as friends, and their new partners too.
This is all more mental energy than game night.
*Nods* That sounds like the sort of thing I'd like to start looking for in 6 months or so. At some point I want to try out a "solo poly" situation and that might be a good time to try a dating website, for friends and otherwise.
What is more mental energy than game night? Just talking about friend-finding strategies?
@Sparrow
I meant that dating-to-find-friends is more mental energy than game night. For me, at least. I enjoy it, but it's taxing.
Oh yeah, totally. Which is why I kinda figure if I do end up looking for friends that way, I'll do it when I'm also actively dating.
In the meantime, game nights and other activity groups seem like they'll be a little easier.
@Sparrow There are a bunch of options for that, and none of them are easy- all of them take a lot of work. My method is meeting friends in community spaces (like this one!!) and then getting coffee or something with them to see if we click. The rest is just keeping in touch and making plans in advance so you keep doing stuff together and strengthening that bond. ^^
@Sparrow I go to the pub or concerts and start talking with the person next to me. Get their number and make plans. I didn't always find that easy, but I also haven't found a way to make friends that doesn't involve talking to strangers.
@Sparrow alternately, I've made friends in classes e.g. I met one of my ex-girlfriends in a German class
@Sparrow Do things you like, have fun, be yourself. The kind of people you want as friends will be doing the same.
That's the easy answer, but the realistic answer is that it's definitely challenging, and people you were close to before can become distant. I'm dealing with a bout of lowness due to feeling alienated from most of my old friends. Try to remember to keep in contact whenever possible.
@Sparrow throw quiet parties at your place and monitor the local underground scene. when you meet people in a calm environment, it's easier to talk and hang out.
@Sparrow It's terribly hard work. I have found friends in the last years via common interests, e.g. over at birdsite or here on Mastodon. Also, I've worked to deepen the connection w/ ppl I knew when I noticed we "clicked". Sometimes it worked out, sometimes it didn't.
Also I made some friends that formerly were friends of friends. That's generally the easiest way, I think. If it's available.