Sparrow 🐦 @Sparrow@awoo.space

Grumpy on main

It's me, the crown prince of grump

@kit

Sorry for the toot, didn't see the "don't reply".

I deleted my reply.

Lmk if you do ever want to talk, though. I'm going through some similar stuff.

I don't know why I just can't stand talking to my roommate sometimes.

She's a perfectly kind person, & when I plan to hang out with her (like get coffee or play dnd) I absolutely enjoy her company.

But whenever she comes home, her eye contact and intense affect feels... Almost painful? Maybe it's just the sudden, feral encounter, going from being alone to being Social With a Person.

Maybe I just have a huge amount of trouble being "off" in front of people, or switching quickly from off to on.

Oops I guess I'm in the kind of mood where I cry *multiple times* while watching Bojack horseman.

Idk, it's just amazing to think how much of my mom's "do the easiest thing" and "don't stir the pot unless you absolutely have to" ideology is ingrained in me, especially wrt to transition. Like, if I were 100% binary man I'd just go for it. But since I'm non-binary I don't feel justified transitioning. Idk what to do to feel happy or honest in this respect, ESPECIALLY since mainstream society thinks my identity is frivolous.

So my ideal transition goals are to go from being read as "masculine woman" to "eccentric, effeminate guy-type".

But being someone who's VERY non-binary and only occasionally (tho strongly when it happens) guy-aligned, I feel like a medical transition is difficult to justify.

I wonder if a better hospital might be to work with acceptance of my body as it is, and confidence with my presentation. Ie, carrying myself & behaving as though I already looked like I wanted to.

@thefishcrow@cybre.space

I had a dream last night that we were hanging out in your backyard (in my dream you had a great big back yard with lots of space to run around) and we were sitting in lawn chairs drinking tea and planning adventures.

💜💙💚

Bluh, I need to find energy for 1st) my extremely high-energy, easily distract-able client, then 2nd) go for a jog in 50 degree weather (which is cold for California).

Trans girls: "you're cute!" "No *you're* cute!" "No you!!"
Enbies: "you're cute! Also handsome! Also pretty!" "No you! Uh, all of those things, too!"

A queer bird has appeared 🐦

Is it bad to say I started working with primates and now work with children, and at least at recess it's pretty similar?

Saw a kiddo wearing a flannel top and sparkly aqua rainboots and *yes* I am about this aesthetic!!

Just realized I can totally get my cbest, teach summer school, and basically triple my pay over the summer. HUH.

I cried a little on my way to work today and it reminded me of what my client's Nana said recently:

"Crying is good. You should cry. It doesn't mean you're going to get what you want, but people should be able to cry."

You ever feel like giving yourself a hug for having made it to today, through so much? Do it. You deserve it.

So before bed these past few nights I've been giving myself all-over massages before I get to sleep. it's only been a few days, but I have been feeling better about my body overall (diabetes frustrations aside). Nothing better than getting a massage, right?

Stay tuned for Part 2: My Body Is Also Wonderful Sometimes, And So Can You

Bodies Are Bad, But We Have Fun: A Memoir