dreams relating to identity stuff with a touch of body horror (+), long
nothing to wake you up from a series of not-totally-willing naps like dreaming that you're horrifyingly (but strangely enjoyably, at that) transforming into your lupine self
dreamlog incoming, I suppose: so, things started out by me waking up at my desk immediately wondering what the time was because it felt like I'd just slept through the entire night - sky was way, way brighter than it was when I'd fallen asleep, though somehow the stars were still visible. check the time, it's... 1 AM??? there was no sun to be seen anywhere, but it felt like a really overcast morning or during a solar eclipse not too long before totality and all - clearly day, but way darker than you'd expect
so I go about doing some of my usual stuff and the first thing I feel is this sensation of some part of me *aching* to come out and I couldn't put my finger on what, I end up running to the bathroom to drink some water from the tap, look outside for a brief moment and look back in the mirror
big ol' feral looking, glowing pair of eyes staring back at me. almost immediately after fur started growing in basically everywhere, thin across my face at first (plenty of fluff along the jawline though) and I could -feel- and hear my bones warping when my muzzle started growing in and my teeth began taking up a lot more space within it, ears growing pointier and slowly moving up all the while
almost matched the avatar in looks before I finally woke up just checking myself out and touching myself all the way through, the whole thing was -so- goddamn vivid and I'm still kinda reeling from it, ahaha 💙
re: therian business, birdhell
yeah, yeah, I know follower counts don't actually mean shit and those numbers are basically only there to make you feel anxious enough to (hopefully) only ever post content the Algorithm™ likes and all, but fuckin'.
It feels like acceptance about basically all this shit has improved pretty radically over the past decade? Or maybe I just shed all the shitty people back in '14, who knows. Either way, I'm honestly glad that all got a positive reception, ahaha.
therian business, birdhell
Honestly, lowkey amazed that the thread in which I confess to feeling basically not at all like I'm an actual human being is the one thread I make in recent days that *doesn't* make me instantly lose followers.
I mean sure, I normally post -maybe- one thing in a given day that isn't a reply to friends/acquaintances overall and most of the people dropping off previously when I started yelling about how you should just go "fuck the cops and anyone like them" for your own sake were probably just random people I never knew well who only followed me on a content basis to begin with, but.
This sure is a -massive- fucking difference from when I came out as trans back in 2014 over something that, honestly, I'd always thought would be more controversial than that.
decade in review kinda thing
I've already launched off into a short thread on this over on birdhell, but yeah.
The 2010s have been... one hell of a time for me. Started them out by becoming an adult on paper, and... honestly I dare say the vast majority of my development as a person happened after that point. It's an understatement to say I've basically spent this entire decade picking up pieces of myself that I'd lost over the course of my life before that - from figuring out my sexuality at the very beginning of the decade, to coming to terms with the fact I'm trans, to the nearly decade long DID break that followed after that... only to finally come together as a person again and pick up a very lycanthropy-shaped last piece of myself last summer, that I'd thought had just been a temporary thing that had vanished after I turned 19 or so only to smack me *right* in the face with itself.
Planning to finally just come out with all that over on Twitter too because I'm sick of hiding things about myself, but suffice to say, that whole thing had been bubbling underneath the surface for years upon years.
As for everything else... well. Graduated high school, crashed out of college and had to come to terms with the fact I'm simply not at all fit to work in a capitalist environment, went way off the beaten path, got a whole *bunch* of other shit flung at me and... honestly, while it sucked in the moment I'm kind of glad it happened, overall? I've grown tremendously as a person since.
Speaking of personal growth, meeting all of you lovely people, both here in the Fediverse and elsewhere in my life helped tremendously with that, and I can't state often enough that I couldn't have gotten to where I am without y'all. 💙 I'll forever be thankful for that, and as rocky as this decade's been for probably all of us, let's make sure the next one's better.
To 2020.
(avatar by @VondranArt@twitter.com, header by @TeknicolorTiger@twitter.com)
/ˈvɪərə laɪˈkeɪ.ən/, [ˈtʰamʲiˌŋɐ ˈɢɛsɛmˌɣoq]
Transgender werewolf from outer space | AKA Thaminga Vesemxoq | multimedia artist | minors dni | therian | follow requests welcome | also known as @VeraLycaon@twitter.com
languages spoken: English, Nederlands, Oygwӿgꝏgowoԍ