Mental Health, +
Feeling better.
Handling and working through just depression is a hell of a lot easier than navigating through the disaster that is severe depression + crippling anxiety. Only attacked on one front instead of two.
Not ideal but its less exhausting, and still no spirals for months. ^^
Have an art. I uploaded it over on Sketchfab so it can be twirled and interacted with... https://skfb.ly/6KzoE Going to print it, and am going to paint it later but wanted to give this site a test. ^^
Is a model of a @Goldkin ! :>
Mental Health, Emotions, +, Retrospective, LONG
A few years ago I was cripplingly depressed, going through a lot of turmoil, issues from abuse and a chronic perpetual liar. Anxiety abounded, gender issues I suppressed, made a mess of social life and all sorts of stuff and was generally a non-functional broken person. I did things for the sake of trying to bring myself happiness, or what I thought was happiness.
I bought a really nice muscle car in hopes that just having a thing would make me happy. It didn't. Nothing I did.... did. I found a relationship and clung to it hoping happiness could be found with others, morphed myself and my personality to fit others' ideals of a person instead of letting myself be myself. All because I thought happiness came from outside.
Today, I am happy. It is a general state I find myself in. Am I happy every day? No. Nobody is. Do I still have depression and anxiety? You bet your ass I do.
I began to learn to curtail my negative traits, with first getting control of narcissism followed by stamping out lying. I started to learn to manage anxiety and made a breakthrough there, with the help of a little green plant.
Where am I now? Anxious, suffer from bouts of depression but at least now I feel in control of it, and I am moving forward. But I can generally say, for the first time in my entire life at the ripe age of 30... I'm genuinely happy. And that's something worth celebrating.
This is more of a personal retrospective than anything else, but I guess the main takeaway here would be don't worry, you can do it. It'll take a long time, and the road is never easy and you'll never fully be over it, but you -can- do it, and always take a moment to look back and see how far you've already come. ^^
HRT, ~
My anxiety and moodiness has been out of control the last few days since I started to cycle progesterone and I think I'm going to go back to consistency. It helped me feel better, and was leading to mood stability for months. Thankfully I haven't had any anxiety/depression spiral/crashes but I've been very very close a couple of times since starting the cycling.
Hormones are fun.
If you've ever mentioned working in the tech industry online, there's a good chance you're being indexed by this company, "human predictions". https://humanpredictions.io
Just a head's up. Massive privacy violations abound.
Some days like today, anxiety can be really bad. The worry about everything going wrong at the last second, that perpetual voice in the back of your head whispering every little doubt, and its goal to derail every bit of progress you've made.
Just remember, it's all going to be okay, and every day you are further ahead than the previous day. Tell that voice to stuff it, you're better than it, and you -are- successful! ^^
Mental Health ~
So I finally was diagnosed with two things by my current therapist which are both what I suspected. Generalized Anxiety Disorder and Major Depressive Disorder, both of which I have been given a treatment plan for. And both resulting from childhood trauma and emotional abuse, heh.
I suppose on one paw I feel good about now having a diagnosis on the issues I've struggled with, but on the other it really kind of hits home how bad some of them really are. Anxiety and depression are a constant struggle for me, although I've been able to keep myself moving forward in good ways. They still sometimes hit me like a truck and unfortunately still once in a while unload on friends with a massive info dump on my feelings.... Something I've been aiming to kind of stop doing, which I've been mostly successful with..
Anyway, guess I just wanted to be transparent to everyone about it because in a way its a relief, but also a mountain I've got to keep climbing.
Otherkin, sea dragon and part-time gryphon (Nakawe at cons!), often goo, extremely spiritual, high functioning autistic, agender, demi, socialist, extremely pro cannabis.
Work in space related stuff.
Account for posting musings and sometimes self created art. Personal, too, apparently!
Currently Arizona based!