Veladynee Amaren @Veladynee@awoo.space

Been on VR a lot recently and the desire to be a Synth is extremely strong.

Also VR is rather helpful for species dysphoria.

Realizing my mental state is starting to resemble how it was early last year.

A constant state of dread and a perpetual fight mentally about it, the concern that my partner isn't being up front even though I know they are. The worry that I'm somehow hurting others even though I find no evidence of it.

My mental state is just not good, and I attribute it to mostly the stress going on.

The politics, the virus, the chaos at work due to it, the stressors of having to help a friend after a house fire... It's all just building on me and wearing me out. The Zoloft I'm on is helping take the edge off, but all the stress is nearly overpowering it and has sent me into a meltdown or two privately over the last week.

I just... need time and reassurance everything is okay, I need to be held and told that, and to be ensured that what I'm being told is true.

I don't know how to accomplish that, and it wasn't an issue for more than a year but the last week has made it so damn hard... *Sighs.*

At least I'm keeping everything /mostly/ together at any rate.

It makes me tempted to get back to nightly use of weed or smoking a cigarette to help relieve some stress.

Hasn't helped either with no idea when I'll be able to see those close to me physically. Or even do something as simple as give my fiance a damn ring because who knows when travel will make sense again.

My wingsister also got laid off. Friends are having trouble money wise with their businesses. And to top it all off I think cabin fever is getting to me as well.

Anxiety building up the last few days. Anxious about everything from my relationship to job to food. It isn't pleasant and it was gone for so long.

It might be worth upping my med dose. Will talk to my psychiatrist on Monday during the appointment.

I'm wondering if it's just related to work stress and COVID-19 interrupting my usual day routine as I have trouble with handling excessive routine change...

The Index is the best purchasing decision I have ever made.

I post that and immediately several other people spring into the same questions. Welp, answers that. :p

Is anyone else having connection issues with Discord perchance?

So I was cleaning my PC case and found a hollowpoint in it. Guess I really did get plenty of bang for my buck with my PC.

Just 'MURRICA things.

On a real note, I have no idea how one of my bullets ended up in the case.

Sent my early primary vote in the mail so my vote can thoroughly not matter and watch Bernie get fucked by the DNC a second time so they can force Biden down our throats. Then can watch as Biden flounders and loses to Trump and shit just gets worse. But hey, I voted. That still matters, right?

Thinking of pooltoy inflation with the theme of "urinal"...

Bed gravity is strong today x.-.x

Using my prehensile dick for breathplay, curled around a throat for very controlled fun.

Bleh. Gotta renew my medical marijuana card in AZ next month. Thankfully it isn't super expensive for me, but it is still money I wish I didn't have to spend every year.

Trying to find doctors or surgeons covered by insurance in my network for an orchiectomy is a pain in the ass. But I'm finally deciding to get that particular surgery done for my own mental health.