Veladynee Amaren @Veladynee@awoo.space

I've noticed my depression has been flaring up the last week or so, and unsure why. It might be due to lack of Vitamin D, among other factors like lockdown and the world being on fire. But it is bothering me, and I am concerned about its effects on those around me, my mate included.

I had gotten so used to being.... Well, happy. Getting smacked down like this is deeply distressing and I may work on discussing it with my psychiatrist next time I see them..

Thankfully my OCD has mostly been kicked in the butt with the right meds! So small victories. ^^

I'm idly also considering picking up weed again as a solution for my depression since it worked well at keeping my general state happy with only using every few days.

Things keep changing. Patterns keep getting disrupted. World is on fire. Friends are acting irrationally about stupid shit and some are believing disinfo.

I am having trouble coping or managing, I am finding myself starting to spiral back into 2018 levels of anxiety like tonight.

I'm afraid of losing my relationship, my fiance, my life, my friends to viruses or police/military. Of losing everything. I don't know why. I don't know if its rational. I am having trouble believing when people tell me 'it will all be okay and everything is fine'.

I can just try to ignore it and hope they are right. I am scared, more so than I ever have been.

Noticeably down mood today. Low energy. Unsure why. But yaaaaay... *Flumps.*

Lots of love to everyone, tho. Hope you are all well.

At least on the bright side, I am actually happy even if I am in a heightened stress state. My anxiety is next to non-existent now with the meds I'm on. Just gotta keep pushing through as the world burns.

Constantly getting the craving to smoke weed more and more.

I used to every single night, and now its once or twice a month. But with all the stress I'm under causing me nightmares and general heightened stress levels, I'm constantly craving that escape.

I think its mostly cabin fever coupled with the long shifts at work due to the emergency measures we're on, topped off with the fact the US is literally on fire.

Fuck it, time to get high.

Meanwhile in the land of trying to adjust my sleep schedule for emergency 12s (6pm to 6 am)... Staying up until the sun comes up is bizarre and uncomfortable.

Not a fan of it.

I am a creature of the night, but something odd about waking up at daytime, then sleeping at daytime.